New Workout Plan

Okay. You all hate me, I know. I did the unthinkable and stopped blogging for a total of...3 months and a couple of days. But if you guys will still have me, I'm back.

So, why did I leave?

A few reasons.

1. My job was making me seriously tired. Between working and making college plans and trying to spend time with my friends and my boss being all up my ass, I couldn't possibly have enough time to be on the computer. Through this, I realized that I was not making enough time for myself. And next summer, I am determined not to take a job, because it's not necessary yet (I'm only 18!!!) and it's not worth the mental stress my boss puts me through. The money was good, but I couldn't deal with the pressure.

2. I was out of speed. I hated telling all of you how terrible I was doing. Last summer, I had all these plans and it was embarrassing to admit that none of them went smoothly.

What I Learned...

1. The Freshman 15? Myth. I don't know how much weight I've lost because the scale at the gym at school sucks and is broken and they haven't fixed it. But every time I come home, everyone notices that I've lost weight. I've been eating semi-healthy and up until this week (midterms) have been exercising a lot. I have this awesome roommate that loves to work out, so I'm constantly reminded to go to the gym.

2. I need you guys. A lot. A support system is huge and I'm not comfortable enough yet with my friends here to tell them how much I NEED their support to lose weight. And even when I am comfortable enough with them, they won't completely understand the way you guys always have. And I'm sorry that it took me 3 months to figure that out.

I've learned a lot more, but you'll probably come to see that as I post more often. Basically, I'm back. And I would love it if you guys could forgive me and continue to support me the way you always did.


Here's the food I've eaten.

Breakfast:
Eggs
Tater Tots
2 strips of turkey bacon
Yogurt with granola
Water

Lunch:
Chicken burrito
A LOT of fruit.
Water

Snack:
I'm about to go grab a power bar before I go to the gym.
And, of course, water.
Slice of whole wheat bread with a slice of turkey and a slice of cheese.

GYM
Elliptical, then bike, then elliptical for a total of 400 calories.
100 Leg Presses
20 Leg Lifts

In the meantime, if anyone has workout songs that they'd like to share, please post them up! The internet has been useless in this effect.

Thank you guys so much and I look forward to hearing from you and to looking at all your blogs as soon as I'm back from the gym.

-Rach

wtf

So today I was invited to go to the beach with a whole bunch of people. Guess what I said? I said no. Well, that's a lie. I said I'd see if I could and then I made up a stupid excuse. One might ask "Why?" and I might say because I don't like going to the beach because that means my pretty friends in bikinis and me in skinny jeans and a t-shirt. That's why. I don't even go to the pool at work.
But I've decided I'm actually going to get in that pool the next time the kids have swim. I'm also going to look up exercises that I can subtly do in the pool, lol. That should turn out interesting.
In other news, I went to Outback yesterday and had a slightly healthier option than I could've had. I had a 680-calorie chicken and swiss cheese sandwich. But I finished my fries. Which wasn't good. But whatever. It could've been so much worse.
I need a really good workout, but I don't think it's going to happen today. It might happen today, but a little bit later. Because there's too many people in the house and I prefer to exercise alone. I swear, it's like I'm trying to hide away the fact that I'm fat. Newsflash, Rachel! Everyone already knows.
Jeez, I frustrate myself with that stuff. What is the point of not going in the pool or to the beach? Are people going to be shocked at the fact that I'm not taking all my clothing off and sitting in a bikini? Obviously not. Is everyone going to judge me? A couple of people might. But the majority of people already know I'm fat. Seeing me in a bathing suit and shorts isn't going to change that in any way. Grr. I need to get over myself with this crap.

Inspiration

I don't have much to report. My blood pressure has been steadily going down because I've been eating very little sodium. But something happened at work and it was quite inspiring.

Me- "How come you don't eat as much as everyone else at lunch?"
Camper- "I like running"
Me- "Ok..but what does that have to do with eating?"
Camper- "Well..I figure the less I eat, the faster I'll run."

And I will leave you with that.

Doctor and BBQ

So yesterday I went to the doctor and was told that I have high blood pressure. So I was told I need a lot of cardio and need to stop eating sodium. Honestly, I didn't even know sodium could be bad for you. Never have I ever looked at how much sodium something contains. Now I look at a diet coke and realize it has 33 grams of sodium per serving. What the hell?
So I have questions. How much sodium per serving is not worth it? Or rather how much sodium should I be intaking a day? And does anyone know of any low sodium foods?
Also I forgot to celebrate. I hit.my 210 milestone. And according to my doctor's scale, I'm 205 in shoes. But I'll wait until I'm 205 on my home scale. My 210 reward was to rent a good movie. I can't wait.
In other news, I went to a bbq today and didn't eat anything except for a turkey dog.no ketchup or mustard. But I was running around all day and I was fine. Now I'm out to a family dinner and I'm barely eating. I guess I'm just not very hungry today.
I really want to get my blood pressure down. It's 120/90. It should be over 70 or 80. If I can't get it down with a lower sodium intake within 2 weeks, I have to go and get bloodwork done. And I really don't want that.

So, this is going to be partially weight-loss related and then sort of not at the same time.
Here's first...
I found a quote that I put up on my xanga once when I was younger, but I didn't really stick to it. I think it's time. Here's the quote: "You know what I'm gonna do? Everything. And then I'm gonna turn around and I'm gonna do it again. And I'm not gonna give a rat's ass about who disapproves and how I look doing it."
I believe that i should stick to this and so should everyone else, in order to have a wonderful life.
Weird things happened at work today. First, I had a mini-breakdown and cried to my friend about how I have nothing to offer and how I'm never going to end up with anyone, which is partially brought on because my best friends are gorgeous and wonderful and I can't help but be insanely jealous of them all the time. I also felt like I was doing a shitty job at work and I didn't know what to do about that. I'm over it..sort of. I mean, I still feel that way. I'm just not crying about it, which is a step up, I guess.
The other thing that happened is this. I work at a summer camp as the creative director and this one counselor, who we realize now is a complete fuckin' idiot, excuse my language, but you'll understand why in a second. She walked outside with a kid and just left him there, sitting on the steps outside until one of us realized that she had just left him there. We all bugged out when we found out. It was bad. I just don't get it--We talked about how a person's child is like their entire life, but I guess that didn't mean anything to her. Needless to say, she's getting fired.

But onto weight loss stuff. So this morning I got on the scale and saw 208 which was wonderful. I was so happy. I'm under 210! I hope that's the same after today. Jeez, I really need me a food journal. I don't remember what the hell I eat. I haven't been going to Weight Watchers, because I need to find a new meeting, because the old one got a little boring for me.
Here's the food intake.
Breakfast- Dry Cereal--Big mistake. I should've eaten like a normal person, but whatever.
Lunch- Half a tuna fish sandwich with lettuce. It was white bread, so it wasn't very good. But I guess it was okay.
Snack- I had a little bit of my friend's pasta, a bunch of rice cakes, and a bag of pretzels. Bad Rachel. I know.
Dinner- I went to a diner, so this could've been much worse. I drank water instead of soda and I ate a turkey burger with two onion rings and crunchy french fries. Not that great, but not that bad either.
I really wanted to walk home, but I was wearing a skirt and had a chafing problem, so I opted for taking the bus. Um, I think that's pretty much it. We might be having an inspection at work tomorrow, so I should really get to sleep if my camp is going to pass.
Hope everyone is doing well! Good night.

CANADA

Ok sorry. I'm a bum. I shouldve said that I was going to a foreign country for a wedding and let you know that I have not abandoned my blog once again.
In Canada, the weight loss hasn't been going one way or another, I think. I'll find out as soon as I'm done with this nine hour drive. Blehh, my head hurts.
Last night I went to my cousin's wedding and got to know one of my cousins that I haven't seen in thirteen years. I know. That's bad right? We were so close when we were little but he lives in Canada, I live here, whatever. But last night, we both decided that we wouldn't repeat our parent's mistakes by not visiting each other and we will actually be good relatives. Hopefully that sticks.
So one of the things I look forward to is my final goal, and now, not only because of the usual. Around this time next year, I've decided that I'm going to visit my Canada family and when I get there next summer, I want compliments. I didn't get any comments on my weight at all, which was pleasant. But I want a "Holy crap! Where did the rest of you go?!"
So I'm increasing my training sessions to 3 times a week until I go to school and am buying a gym membership when I do go to school.
Basically, this whole thing has made me very excited and I hope it sticks. I guess I really needed this trip and I'm glad I went, not only because I had a great time, but because it gave me a reason to keep going. Like a legit one.
Hm, what else? I think that's pretty much it. I miss everyones blogs! I'm gonna go catch up now!

Starting Now, I'm Back.

It's so hard to even type this right now, because I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. I did so well today. And then I went out with a friend and ruined everything with ice cream and chips. I don't understand. Even as I'm eating, I know it's bad. And it still happens. And I'm on the verge of tears, because I just did something that gave me a slap in the face.
I looked at recent pictures of myself. From prom, graduation and other things. And I hate the way I look. I thought I was doing better in the self-confidence department but I am just not. I still hate the way I look and seeing those pictures and how fat I still am completely broke my heart.
I'm just so sad right now. And I'm crying. And I know that by exercising and eating well, I can fix this problem. But I just don't know if I can believe in myself anymore as much as I used to.
Thank you for all your inspiring comments. I really appreciate it.
I'm just in a slump. And I know I'm in a slump. So I can either stay here and feel sorry for myself and cry like I'm doing now or I can get up and push myself even though it's so so so so so hard right now. I just have to push through it. I feel like if I can get through these next couple of weeks without gaining any weight then I can get through anything. Because this is close to impossible.

I Need You Guys.

Oy. So, I know. I'm an awful person for not posting and it's not fair for me to ask, but I really need motivation.
I haven't been doing well and that's probably why I haven't been posting. I mean, who wants to show everyone that they're not doing well? Not me. But I'm reaching out here.
I've been constantly hungry and I haven't been counting points and I've barely exercised. I'm feeling a little lost and I can't help but wonder where the hell my old motivation and energy is.
I don't think I've gained, but I'm getting there. So please help. Say anything. It might help me out.

blackberry

Hi everyone. Okay, so I haven't been very good with posting lately. I've been really busy and I'm updating now off my brand new blackberry curve. Woohooo! Um I saw my PT and obviously he kicked my ass. I haven't been counting points but I have been eating very healthy. Oh! I also found the gym at my job and went. It's not that great but it has bikes, stairmasters, treadmills and weights. What else could I really need right? What else...oh. I really want the wii fit. And the one with Jillian. Anyway I'm going to watch a movie and then I'll hopefully get to see how everyone is doing!!!

HAPPYTIME!

Damn. That was one of the greater workouts I've had. Maybe it was the fact that I was pumped up because I just watched Bring It On. Or maybe it was the video. It is jam-packed with FUN. I can't wait to try the rest of the Turbo Jam series that is in my room. You don't even realize you're working out that hard until there are buckets of sweat pouring from every part of your body. Clearly, I really enjoyed it, lol.
Now, I'm going to go out to a Thai Restaurant and I'm not going to feel guilty at all. Not even a little bit. And I'm going to get all pretty and do my hair. And it's all because I feel great after a workout. Endorphins are a wonder.
I made a turkey burger today. Sooo good. Not better than a hamburger, but I can deal. I'll have a hamburger eventually, lol. I also ate baked potato chips. And I had turkey bacon for breakfast with one of those breakfast quesadillas. Basically, I've had the perfect combination of eating right and working out today and I am so, so happy. Wow. I don't even know what to post.
Oh. I do know what to post. I'm really scared about the upcoming week. Because tonight I'm sleeping over my friend's house and then I'm going to sing in a concert. So I won't be home until late Saturday night. I just don't want to break all the good work I've been doing and go completely nutso with food and lack of exercise. And then on Monday and Tuesday I'm going to be in Washington D.C. and we're eating out, EVERY DAY. I just have to stay strong, I guess.
Anyway, I have to go get ready, because I'm leaving in an hour. But I hope everyone had as good a day as I had and from my mouth to God's ears, I hope we can all be at least half as excited about losing weight everyday!

I Love My PT

So, today I went to see Lawrence again. It was my second free session. He may have kicked my ass, but I did end up wanting to pay for 25 sessions up front, which means this story has a happy ending.
So, last time, I came in with Converses, which are the devil. And today, I came in with new shoes. Which are worse the devil, because I almost cried from the intense pain in my feet. Those were my mom's. But he told me to get New Balance. So I'm going to get New Balance and I'm going to break those things in 'till the end of the dawn before Thursday. Because my feet were killing me. And we had to stick with mostly arms and upper leg exercises, which let me tell you, didn't make my face any less red or make me sweat any less, lol.
So, there was this one thing that he asked me to do. He rolled me a 5kg thing that looked like a basketball and asked me to throw it over the pull-up bar. The trick was I had to be sitting when he rolled me the ball and when I stood up, that was when I could throw it.
Basically, that was really really hard. First, because I'm not really that good at regular basketball. Second, because that thing was heavy as hell. At first, I kept hitting the bar and covering my head when it bounced back towards me. Eventually, I got it over those ten times. Then I went to do something else and then we started the circuit over again and I got back to that basketball thing with a mental goal that I would get it over every single time of the ten...

And I did. Which was the greatest feeling ever, because I set my mind to it and I did it. Yes, it hit the bar a couple of times, but it went over regardless all ten times on the first try. And it was great.

So he told me that he's going to present me with a "challenge" every time I come in and that sometimes, it's going to be tougher than I can believe and that sometimes, I'll be okay to do it. This is the part where the BL-loving part of my mind takes over and I get really excited. So we'll see what my challenge is next week.

Then he told me that I could either stop now or I could pay for the two lessons and keep going, depending on whether or not I want to continue. Obviously, I told him I wanted to continue. He also sat me down and told me that if at anytime during the week, I'm feeling really down, like I don't want to do this anymore, to call him and that he'll talk to me, any time of day, regardless of when and try to motivate me. Hence the title "I Love My PT." He's not one of those trainers--come in, do the work, get out. He wants to help even when I'm not there. And he answers all my questions a million times over.

Food intake was not the best, but after the session, I found myself to be RIDICULOUSLY hungry. But I'm okay now. And I'm stopping. I think I went over by 2 or 3 points, but I put them in my extra 35.

Wow.

Okay, so I can't really update right now, because BL is on for 3 hours. But I lost 2 pounds this week despite everything and...
HOLY SHIT, MIKE IS FUCKIN' GORGEOUS.
Pardon the language. That's literally what I yelled out when I saw him. Wowowowowowow. Okay. That's all. More later when I'm done watching.

I'm going to try to do this quickly. I now officially weigh 214.2 on my WW scale and 213.6 on my at home scale. Yay five week frenzy! Doing good so far! Um, I'm a little iffy about Helen winning, because to me, she didn't look too healthy. I mean, I'm happy for her, but she looked too thin. She looked a little bit sick even. I would've much rather Tara won. And obviously, I wanted Mike to win, lol. Although, truthfully, out of all the top 3, I think Mike was the one that looked the healthiest. Tara looked...Worn out or something. I don't know what it was about her. But she looked like she was going to pass out or something right then and there, which didn't make me happy. But Mike looked healthy, happy, and alive, which is why, in my eyes, he's the biggest loser. Tara and Helen keep going like this, they're going to gain the weight back, God forbid. So hopefully they can calm down a little now that the competition is over and start living life normally, somewhere in the middle of psychotic and overweight, lol.

I Didn't Think I Could

Today, I did the impossible. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and I just don't want to do anything. Well, no, that's not the right way to explain it. I want to do what I have to do, but my body is pushing me and telling me that I just can't today. My eyes are closing, I'm sluggish, the works. So you know how I promised myself a crazy workout? Well, unfortunately, today was one of those days. I told myself I would go to work out at 3, because I thought I'd be out of my slump. I wasn't. And I ended up going at 3:20. And I went to do level 2 of the 30 day shred. I did not want to do. I was so confused and so upset. Usually, I can find something to get myself excited about working out. But all I wanted to do was sleep. And I wasn't outwardly whining, but I could feel myself about to whine. But what I did, which was amazing to me, was that I didn't quit. I got through that entire workout. Yes, I did quite a few of those five second breaks. And I did some of the strength exercises without weights. But I worked through my sluggishness. And I did not think that was possible. Now, I'm going to eat, I'm going to relax a little, I'm going to shower, and then I am getting on that treadmill.
It was so weird, though. Like, no matter what I told myself about a weigh-in tomorrow and no matter how much I tried to get myself in the spirit, I was just so tired. Maybe it's cause I slept too much. That can have a bad effect on you too. When I woke up, it was nearly one o'clock. That's not good. But I was really tired. That can't happen again. Anyway, I'll update more later when the day is more close to over. I just really wanted to share my accomplishment.

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Random. But my stumble brought me to this. It really puts in perspective how you're living your life. It's also a game. So it's fun. So here you go...It's called The Longevity Game.
http://www.nmfn.com/tn/learnctr--lifeevents--longevity_game

I Think I'm Paranoid

First of all, you guys are all completely ridiculous for giving me awards! I'm really glad you enjoy my blog and it makes me super happy, but there are so many more people that deserve them. And that update more...eek. Anyway, so first thing's first. Here are my awards.

So thanks to Monica and Learning to be Less (sorry, I don't know your real name!!!!!) for the awards and here are some awards of my own.

1. Monica at http://getpastthemoment.blogspot.com/ is freakin' amazing. Everything she says is real and honest and she's been my support throughout the past couple of months of this process. Without her, I would not be blogging. I just know it. She always comments back and never lets anyone be down on themselves. And she's super sweet.

2. Rebecca at http://fatfitnessfood.blogspot.com/ is ridiculously fierce. Her weight loss is totally constant and reading her posts makes me want to do better all the time. She's really motivated and has fun posts!

3. Karen at http://katschisfitcetera.blogspot.com/ is so funny and absolutely everything she writes about amuses me. She's also extremely honest and isn't afraid to say anything. On top of that, she's really motivated and the amount of exercise she does is ridiculous!

4. Jenn at http://exhotgirl.blogspot.com/ is so great. Her photography is absolutely wonderful and she always posts the greatest videos and inspirational things. I really love reading her blog all the time, because she doesn't just write about weight loss. She writes about life.

5. Fat Bridesmaid at http://fatbridesmaid.com/ is the first weight loss blog I ever found. If I hadn't found her, I wouldn't know that weight loss blogging existed and I would've never held myself accountable for everything. And she has Biggest Loser live chats which I wish I could join because they look like so much fun, but I don't have a computer and a television in the same room. And her posts are overall great.

Anyway, thanks to everyone! And you are all absolutely amazing.

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On to some updates. I'm really scared that I did awful this week and come Tuesday, I am going to regret everything. But it may just be that I'm paranoid. For the past three days, I have been out to eat. Friday night, I went to Friday's (it's tradition) and had Cobb salad and one and a half breadsticks with honey mustard...At 12:30AM. Then Saturday, we had a pot luck at school. And I ate a lot. But that was pretty much the only thing I ate all day. So does it count? Do either of those count? I didn't eat that much other than those things. Then, today, I broke my 2009 barbecue cherry and went to a Mother's Day barbecue. It wasn't the healthiest thing but other than breakfast, it was the only thing I ate. And I didn't track my points, because I just didn't know how. During the food, I felt so guilty. And right afterwards also. But then when I look back at it, it's just not that bad. I mean, I haven't exercised since Thursday when Laurence kicked my ass. That might be part of it. But tomorrow I'm not going to school and I am going to kick my own ass really hard. I'm going to do Jillian, treadmill, Tae-bo and pilates. Tomorrow is going to be no joke. And hopefully that saves me on Tuesday's weigh-in. Because I'm scared. In the past two weeks, I haven't gained. And I don't want Tuesday to be the first time. I just don't.

I also don't want to go to my personal trainer on Thursday, my second week, with a gain. I'll just look bad. So for the rest of this week, butt must be kicked. Really hard. And there's no question about it.

What else? Oh yeah. I'm graduating. I will never get to be on my school's stage ever again. We all just cried so hard the other day. Because I love my school's theatre so much. And I'm leaving. And I can't come back. No matter how much I'll want to. I'm not going to write much about it, becuase I'm going to cry again and I don't want to have it.

So, I guess that's all for now. I will update tomorrow if I don't pass out, lol. Good night.

Personal Trainer & Advice on Eating He Gave Me

Wow. I did not know working out until I met Laurence. Let me tell you, I got my ass whooped and it was just an intro session. Apparently, I get two sessions free and if I don't think it's for me, then I don't pay. If I decide to continue, then I pay for those and keep going.
Today, they took all my measurements and everything.
Apparently, on their scale, I am 213. Weird. But whatever. He told me every scale is different, so I'm just going to count it on my WW scale. And he also told me something VERY interesting, that I think you all should know about.

It seems so obvious, but I don't think anyone really does it. He told me a way to distribute my points so that I'm eating a lot in the morning (like 9 points) and then a 4 point snack and then a 7 point lunch and then a 3 point snack and then a 5 point dinner.
So, basically, eat a lot in the morning and work your way down until you're up to dinner and dont' eat after dinner unless you can help it.
Why this works...(such an obvious reason, I can't believe I didn't see it)
During the day, you walk around. You go to school, you go to work, you go to the gym, you walk home, etc. So when you eat a huge breakfast, you're burning it off as you're just going through your daily routine. At least some of it.
But when you eat a huge dinner, you're probably not going on the treadmill. You're probably sitting around, doing some work, watching some tv, writing on your blog, etc. Which means you're not burning calories. So why would you eat a big dinner?
So, the moral...Big breakfast, small dinner, more calories burned.
I'm putting this to the test starting tomorrow and seeing what happens.

He also told me that a healthy weight for me would be anywhere from 150-168. Which, I guess, was a little disappointing for me, because as some of you know, I was aiming for 140. What he told me is that my lean muscle is about 127 pounds of my body. You don't want to go anywhere near that lean muscle. Because if you do, you'll start getting weak. And that's not something I want. It's upsetting, I guess, that I'm big-boned and I'll never be as thin as my sister-in-law, for example, but it's comforting to know that I have less weight to lose to be healthy than I thought.

One last thing...I think that everyone should go and get their body fat measured. It's basically just this little thing that pinches your fat and tells you what percentage is fat and what percentage is lean muscle. That'll put it in perspective. Where do you have the most fat, in reality? What exactly do you need to work on? For those of you out there with a personal trainer, I'd really suggest asking him if he can do that for you. Because after he explained it to me, I feel like I understood how much weight I really should be losing.

So I should be losing 1-3 pounds a week starting next week. Of course, that's just a guesstimate. And, healthily, in about eight months, I should be down to a good size. I won't be any size zero, but I will be healthy. And I will not be sick. And to me, that's way better than being weak.

Now, I have a question for everyone. Have you tried this eating a lot in the morning thing? And how has it worked for you?

PS If you live in the Brooklyn, New York area, I would totally recommend going to Mike Duffy's. It's all personal trainers and they are AWESOME. They get you in shape, they drive you like you're in the military, but they have a way of motivating you. At least that's what I've seen so far. So you should definitely try it out. They also have them in Monmouth, NJ and another place in New Jersey that I can't remember.

Rain, Rain, Go Away.

I hate the rain right now. It's on my hit list. It's been raining and cloudy for the entire week and not only has it got me totally down and sleepy, but I also haven't been able to do my walks outside. So, yesterday, I did yoga/pilates, while watching One Tree Hill and that was after I already did Jillian Level 2. That crap hurts. I did it again too and I don't think I'm going to do it two days in a row ever again. Because I'm working the same muscles over and over again and it's taking a toll on my body. You're supposed to work different muscle groups every day and I can't afford to have my muscles dead for Thursday when I have my personal trainer. So I'm going to chillax tomorrow and either go on the treadmill or just walk around (depending on the weather).
So I'm walking to my Weight Watchers meeting in a few. And I really need a good weigh-in today. I think I did well. But I'm still always nervous. Because things happen and I had my monthly friend this week. Damn her.
Um, what else? Oh yeah. Biggest Loser tonight! I'm so excited! And my final exam is tomorrow. And then I'm going to a Yankee game. So I've got an exciting couple of days coming up!
I'll update after my WW meeting and I'll talk about my loss/gain.

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So, WW wasn't amazing. BUT I am proud of myself for something. First of all, I lost .4 pounds, which is, like, nothing. But I had my monthly friend. And my monthly friend usually KILLS me. I usually gain at least two pounds. The fact that I lost .4 (and possibly more since I was wearing jeans and a sweater this week) with my monthly friend is pretty amazing to me. Other than that, I've also reached the five pound mark! And my next mark is 5%. Six pounds to go! I walked to my WW meeting, which was also great. Well, during the walk, I wanted to kill someone because I felt like I was walking too slow and then when I sped up, my legs hurt and then argh. But afterwards, I was so happy that I'd made it that far that the pain and the annoyance didn't get to me.
This WW meeting came at the perfect time. It was about positive thinking. She gave us this really cute poem about gardens and gave us each a carnation. It was adorable. And one of the biggest things in the meeting was that you have to pull all the weeds out of your "garden" no matter how many times they grow back in the worst places. It was all very metaphorical and I enjoyed it.

Personal Trainer

So, I got me a personal trainer. Well, my mom offered it to me. And I told her hell yes. So we went shopping today. And I'm going to be training with this guy named Laurence. When I told him I wanted my ass kicked, he told me that he had been in the military for ten years and that he'd kick my ass even if I didn't want it kicked. So that was really great. And it'll be good. Because when I shook his hand, I thought my hand was going to fall off. And I think he was being gentle, lol. So my first appointment is Thursday at two o'clock.
Anyway, that made me pretty happy. So now it's actually time to kick my own ass and go do a Jillian tape. It's like a "Last Chance Workout" before my Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow. I'll probably do Level 2 Jillian, rest a little, then get on the treadmill. Kill me now before it hurts.

Dress Pants.

I have not been able to wear dress pants since last year. I dont' remember the last time I could wear them and be okay with it. And today, I had to wear dress pants for the open house. And I was really annoyed and scared. But just now, I put on dress pants and they fit. And it's one of the happiest moments I've had.
Update more when the day actually begins.

-----EDIT

So, today was a pretty good day overall. Except I am pissed as hell at my boss. I put all this time and effort into the open house. I did absolutely everything right, despite my being seventeen and having no experience. Everyone told me I did a great job. Unfortunately, he barely marketed the event and not a lot of people showed up. So my hard work was practically for nothing. The kids that did come had an amazing time. I just wish there were more of them.
Like, I hate that. He puts all this pressure on me but does absolutely nothing himself. And he's the professional here. I'm practically a baby.
Alright, whatever. So interesting news. I emailed Ron Morelli. I got his email address off of the South Lyon website and emailed him. I know that my investigating abilities are really creepy. But regardless, that's how I know it's really him. And I told him about how I want to lose weight and whatever. And he was SO sweet. He told me to never stop trying and not to hate myself and not to beat myself up if I have a bad day and that it looks like I'm on my way to a good start. And it was just really nice of him. And I asked him to pass my email on to Mike (eeek!) and hopefully he says he will. And he also said to keep in touch. Basically, it was a nice moment. And I might get killed for this, but the brown team was always one of my favorites, because they both had SO MUCH to overcome. And they fought. And I respect that. Especially Mike. I mean, he broke the record for the fifteenth week. The poor guy must've sweat blood the way he worked. And Ron was just so unhealthy and he's really brought himself back to a normal level. It's crazy how hard the two of them had to work and I'm glad they did it. So that was super exciting.
Other than that, I didn't get to work out because I had a million and a half things to do. But tomorrow, I'm going to kick my own ass. Really hard. I'm going to do Level 2 Shred and run on the treadmill. "This ain't no game" as one of my best friends would say, lol.
Oh! More exciting news! My mom is giving me a present: A personal trainer. The problem is taht I'm going to have to shop around and really find the one that I want. Because my biggest qualification for this personal trainer is: Be Jillian Michaels. No, I'm kidding. But basically, I need someone who will NOT feel bad for me even if I cry or scream. And I need someone who will not let me stop even if I'm begging. So I'll have to find someone heartless, basically.
That's all for today. AP Test tomorrow! Eek!

Planet Hollywood

Hey. So today was a pretty good day. The only problems were beer and Smirnoff Ice. But I'll work out a lot tomorrow to make up for it.
I had a chicken, tomato, and avocado sandwich at Planet Hollywood and it was great.
Um, other than that, I've got nothing much to say. Maybe later.

Very Talkative...

I'm very talkative today. After watching The Biggest Loser on my DVR, I'm going a little bananas with the ideas in my head. Plus I forgot stuff since I haven't posted in forever.
So, I ate Whole Wheat Pizza today. So good! Filled me right up and it was only four points. Also, I've been eating Lean Cuisine every night and I think it's really helping. I know I shouldn't liveon frozen food and I don't, but most of the time, I just don't have the time to cook food. And with Lean Cuisine, I'm not being killed.

Also, does anyone out there want to start a sort of Biggest Loser challenge? I mean, I can't offer a quarter of a million dollars (if I could, I'd have a personal trainer and a nutritionist, lol) and I don't even know what I can offer other than a job well done and a pat on the back. Obviously, we would get together on a blog, let's say, Tuesday. And we would say how much we lost and/or gained. And Monday could be our "Last Chance" workouts and we could talk about what we've been doing. The only thing is, if someone fell below our "yellow" line, they totally wouldn't get voted off. They'd just have been the two that fell below the yellow line. By the end of, let's say, two months, whoever loses the most weight wins. I think it may be a bit donuts for dinner, but it's an idea. Someone let me know if you'd be interested. Anyone? Lol. Okay.

Also, Jillian just KICKED my butt. I have a mirror in the room where I exercise and I've realized that I have this problem. When I see my red face and the huffing and puffing, I tend to stop and take a five second break. However, I covered the mirror. And if I don't look at myself, I keep going and when I look in the mirror after the workout, I'm happy my face is bright red and there's sweat dripping everywhere. I don't know. I guess it's a psychological thing.

Anyway, I think that may actually be it for the day. I think...

Time to Work Harder.

I've been working hard lately. I walked 60 blocks earlier this week and I just want to walk more and more and more. On Tuesday, I got on the scale at my WW meeting and lost 4.6 pounds. I am out of the 220's and I will NEVER go back again. No matter what. I will never be at 220 pounds in my life.
Watching The Biggest Loser (I cried like a baby seven times) today, I just got even more motivated. These people lose nine pounds a week. Yes, obviously, they sweat and bleed and cry and they have all day to work out. But if they can lose nine, I can lose another five. I won't be disappointed next Tuesday as long as I lose something. Anything. More than two pounds would be good.
I got my prom dress. Very happy about it. Haven't taken pictures yet, but when I do, they'll be up here.
Um, so on the topic of biggest loser, I think I have a crush on Mike. Lmao. But really. He's great. And when I saw him in that jacket, daaaaamn. That's probably why I want him to win, haha. And the way he helps his dad, it was just adorable. Okay. I'm stopping. I'm sorry. Anyway, if not for him, I want Tara to win. She is gorgeous. When they were showing the before and after videos and pictures, I was bawling. Because they all said they didn't realize how fat they were and I feel like that's me. I feel like I know I'm fat but until I lose all the weight, I won't know just how fat I am right now. It sounds confusing, but I think it's because I have nothing to compare to. I guess when I look at pictures from fifth grade, I'm just like "Wow. I was so skinny." But I convince myself that hormones did it. And partially, they did. But there will be no excuse when I take all this weight off.
I'm tired of not being able to wear the cutest clothes. I'm tired of being embarrassed to eat in public. I'm tired of being embarrassed to go shopping with my own friends. And I am hella tired of going to a party and wondering if I'm going to be the fattest person in the room. I am tired, tired, tired. And once all this weight comes off, I will never be in that place again. Ever. It just won't happen. It can't.

Damn You, KFC

So I ate KFC today. Never, never again. This always happens when I go to work. I have less than a half hour break and I just go wherever. And seventeen points happen. That's more than half of what I usually eat in a day. So from now on, I am getting up earlier and making myself lunch on Sundays. No more of this nonsense. I will not conform to greasy foods that leave me hungry!
Lol, ok. Well, basically, I'm not going to beat myself up over that, because I had an awesome week and a pretty good day other than that one faux-pas.
Nothing much to report and I've gotta go to sleep. Maybe I'll update more later.

Die Vampire Die

Hey there. So let's get this out of the way. The song of the day today is....(drumroll, please!)

Die, Vampire, Die- [Title of Show]
Yes, the theatre dork in me has come out and I am giving you a song from a musical. It's a great song. It's about people that tell you that you can't do something. The whole show is pretty good so if you ever have any extra time, download the soundtrack. It's a musical about two guys writing a musical. I know, clever.
So here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DDdM66_nSI

So, about my day. I cheated a little bit. BUT I tracked it. So I don't feel guilty. I ate a small slice of thin-crust pizza and half a serving of french fries. It's not ideal, but I wrote it down and still managed to stay within 29 points. And I'm not going to beat myself up about that. I also did a little bit of extra walking today to work it off at least a tiny bit.
I kind of had to do it. Life gets in the way. A friend was upset and wanted to go out for pizza. What could I possibly have said? But I don't feel guilty. Which is great.
Other than that, my mom bought me fat free milk, which is supposed to be both filling and only 2 points. Wonder how it tastes...Hm. Hope it goes good with my cereal tomorrow morning.
I ate a yogurt for snack instead of pretzels or chips today, which was good.
Oh. I also made the WW recipe for garlic chicken and brown rice. Wow. So good. And it really took about 20 minutes and that's because I'm retarded at mincing garlic and I decided to wear latex gloves so that I don't smell like garlic for the next three days like last time. But it was really good, pretty easy to make and only 7 points. Then for dinner I had a Shrimp Alfredo Lean Cuisine. I'm really loving Lean Cuisine right now. It tells me how many points I'm eating and it's easy as hell to make. It makes my life a lot easier and it's pretty good for me. My mom also bought me beef w/ broccoli and rice and I think there's some pizza in store for me too.
I need to look up how many points certain sushi rolls are. Because, for anyone who knows me, I LOVE sushi. And I'm not going to cut it out of my diet. I haven't eaten a lot of bread lately (other than the pizza obviously) which is also good.
Tomorrow I have an interview for my Creative Program Director job which I already have. Damn my boss and his weird interviews for no reason. Oh well. The only bad thing is I won't be home until after four. Which means I'll have to eat out. Insert scary music here. I'll try to find something I can stifle. But in good news, IT'S FRIDAY. And I've got a hella busy Saturday planned. Singing lesson, shopping for prom dress and my aunt's yoga class. That's a lot. But I'm excited. Okay. I think that's all for today. Going to check up on blogs and look up the sushi that I like.

There's a Hole In The World Tonight; Don't Let There Be A Hole Tomorrow

I went to Weight Watchers! Whohoo! So no one can yell at me for not going.
And I enjoyed it. My meeting leader is Diana and she showed the new people pictures of herself 80 pounds ago. Wowza.
I got started today. Yesterday, I didn't eat enough points but I also didn't exercise. So I guess it evens out. I really want to lose some weight. I'm going to do some P90X cardio as soon as I get off the computer. And then I might add on Ap Ripper X or a Jillian video. Or I might do that later. I don't know.
Oh. And at Weight Watchers I found out I weigh 221, as opposed to my scale, which tells me that I weigh 215. So I did lose weight. But I guess my scale is stupid. The day that I get under 200, I swear I will NEVER go back. I can't wait to get rid of that 2 in the hundreds place forever.
And I went to Subway today and got a bag of chips along with my 6-inch whole wheat sandwich. Holy crap. I think it was FIVE points. Yes. One bag of chips. That's disgusting. That's the last time I'm eating those things. They're good, but they're just not worth it.
And at the meeting yesterday, I found out that these aussie fry things (I've never eaten them myself and after this, I refuse to) are SEVENTY points. I didn't know something could be 70 points. How do people eat that?
Oh. I also did half an hour of Yoga Pilates. It hurts. A lot.
Also, today, I'm going to label my entire kitchen with points. I'll see what I've got to work with and see what I need to get and what I need to give away/get rid of.
I'm going to go check up on everybody's blog. Hope everyone's doing really well.

UPDATE....

Exercised, ate a small beef patty. I wasted 6 stupid points on that stupid bag of chips. I wish I had counted before I ate. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over one mistake. I'll make LeanCuisine tonight for four points and still stay on target plus more than an hour of exercise altogether.
Also, I'm going to do a song of the day. I feel compelled.


Today's Song: Hole in the World by The Eagles

You should really listen to it. Here's the link:
http://vodpod.com/watch/1379255-hole-in-the-world-the-eagles

By The Way...

Weight Watchers meeting. Tomorrow. 5 o'clock. Hold me to it. If I come back tomorrow and say that I have not gone to the meeting because I was too tired, too grumpy, etc., I want you all to yell at me and bombard me with angry and rude comments. Perhaps the thought of being bombarded will make me want to go. And tell your friends to be mean to me too.

Trying With All My Might to Stay Strong

Wow, I'm just on a roll with this lack of updates.
Last week basically sucked. I had people staying with me, so I couldn't find much time to exercise. Then I went to Maryland with school and definitely didn't have time to exercise. So last week was poop. But I'm continuing with P90X today. I did the Core Synergistics. It was really hard. I'm not thrilled with how much it hurts, but I'll deal with it. The only thing that bugs me is the food. I, personally, cannot do it. At least I haven't been able to. It's so structured and I'm still in school and I don't have time to cook AND exercise. I eat whatever my mom makes for me, which is usually pretty healthy, but it doesn't give me that P90X thrill. Those recipes make you want to exercise your brains off, because they give you so much energy. But I can't do that, because I'm eating whatever my mom makes for my dad and me. And I would feel awful to make her cook for us separately.
Now, I'm thinking the way to solve this problem is to join Weight Watchers and talk about it in a meeting. Maybe they'll have some kind of insight for me on what ingredients my mom can add into food to make it more energy boosting or fat shredding or whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing that week. Supposedly, after this week I'm supposed to have been completing the first phase. And I do feel a little bit different, I suppose. I feel a little bit stronger, I have a little bit more endurance. But because of my unorganization, I haven't really lost much weight. Hopefully, in round two, I'll be able to kick all the fat in my body. Plus with added Weight Watchers, I'll hopefully be eating right. I just don't know anymore.
This whole losing weight thing is getting me down big time. It's like ever since I've decided to lose weight, I've noticed the fact that I'm fat twice as much. It's as if I don't see my face anymore. I just see my body and everything that is wrong with it. And trust me. There is a whole lot. And I keep thinking that I'm not going to be able to do this. Because, really, what if I'm not. What if I'm going to be fat forever? I can't live with those kinds of ideas in my brain but I don't know how to stop them from happening.
Anyway, sorry for the depressing mood I may or may not have caused from this. I'm just going to keep going with P90X and try to stay strong.
Oh. And I'm also going to try to post every day again.

And what I ate today...

Breakfast- Bowl of Granola Cereal.
Snack- 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and a peach snapple (I know, I know...)
Lunch- Miso soup, dragon roll, and spicy tuna roll.
Snack- Yogurt with granola pieces and a waffle.
Dinner- Probably chicken. About to go and have some.
Overall, not awful. But I'm not feeling very energetic.

He Gives Me Presents With His Presence Alone

So, here's the deal for today. I eat too much when I don't eat a big breakfast. For example, I ate a banana this morning. But then I ate a bag of pretzels, a twix and a kashi bar. After that I ate chicken teriyaki and a spicy tuna roll and then I'm going to have dinner, hopefully nothing too fatty.
I'm getting some really cute pink lunch boxes. And they're tiny. So hopefully it will motivate me to eat less. I have to do the Cardio X work out today. Let you know how that goes later on.
I also think I'm rejoining WW and now that I'm seventeen I don't need to have a doctor's note.
Update more later when my day's complete.

SORRY.

So, I haven't been bloggy again. But I do have an excuse. My show was last week and it was SPECTACULAR. But at the same time, I had my period and I had no time to diet. Within this, I still somehow lost a pound (for a late night weigh-in) of 214. This sucks a little. But I restarted the P90X workout. I can't just skip a week and expect it to work. So I started again and I now have no choise but to do it all the time because it's on my calendar. And if it's there, I must do it.

Anyway, I know what college I'm going to and I'm very happy with it. Finally. And I've got a new crush, but we're not going to talk about it because he has a girlfriend so I'm staying far, far away for now. I know, I know. That was very high school of me. The teenager in me tends to slip out once in awhile. That and I'm terribly attracted to unavailable men. FML, really.

I found this website and I think it's kind of cool. I especially like this entry right here: http://www.fitnessdestinations.com/how-to-lose-weight-by-dancing/

It gives reviews for everything and gives other fitness tips. You guys should check it out. I'll be writing every day now. Today I did the Core Synergetics DVD and it was definitely hard and it kicked my ass. But I finished it so I guess that's something to be proud of. Tomorrow is Cardio X. Sounds fun, right? Haha. I hope not. So here's what I ate today. Not the proudest day of my life, but I'll take it.

Breakfast- Tiny baggy of cereal and a Protein Bar

Lunch- School Pizza and fries (pretty gross, I know) and a pack of Hi-Chews shared with my friend.

Dinner- Banana Pancakes (I had a craving all day because it was raining ridiculously hard and I love "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson). But they were pretty low fat. They were made with nothing but yogurt, flour, a little bit of baking soda, and an egg.

Snacks- 2 servings of Organic Pop corn topped with unsalted butter and some sea salt (both of which I added myself). Really good, mostly because the pop corn itself isn't usually that bad. It's usually the butter that gets you.
-And this little pastry, but I only ate about a fourth of it. I might have some yogurt.

That's all for today. I'm going to go catch up with everyone!

Update

Sorry I haven't been very bloggy lately. Life gets in the way and I barely have time to breathe, especially with the exercise and cooking. So I got the PX90 program and started yesterday. Honestly, best workout I've had yet. It also tells you exactly what to eat, which is great.
I never knew that protein could give me such an energy boost. But the biggest energy boost of all was today when I came into rehearsal and a girl says to me "Wow, it looks like you've lost a lot of weight." That honestly kept me going through the whole day and I just did a 45 minute Cardio work-out. My face is red, I'm sweating balls, my feet hurt, and I'm loving every second of it. I didn't rest a minute with that workout and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I have to admit, I'm not following the diet perfectly. If I'm not going to completely give up, I need some junk food or sweets once in awhile. I'm just a teenager, you know? Not to say that I'm eating as much as I used to, but I need it sometimes. I actually haven't been hungry, though, because on this program, you eat a lot. You just eat a lot of healthy energy-boosting stuff. I could've never gotten through that workout without my meals. Tony Horton even says in the middle of it "I hope you've eaten enough today! Because, if you haven't, you're not getting through this! If you haven't, go get some food and come back later!"
That's one of the things I love about this program. It's not telling you to eat nothing and exercise a lot. That's impossible. Maybe it'll work for a week, but in the long run, it just makes you tired. Anyway, today's my sister-in-law's bday and we're going out to eat. So that'll be fun. But for now, I want to check up with everyone's blogs!

The Word of Your Body

Today was a better day. Not much, but still better. Upon coming home, I again opted for working out instead of stuffing my face and am very proud but I'm very tired, so I'm not going to post much. Here's the food intake:

Morning- Sandwich and granola bar and coffee

Snack- Fruit bowl and piece of turkey sandwich

Lunch- Brown rice w/ turkey sausage and a bag of chips and a cappuccino.

Dinner- Hasn't happened yet. That's what I'm about to do.

20 mins. of Jillian Michaels 30Day Shred. Oy. It feels like 20 hours, lol.

Bitchassness

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
There's really only so much disappointment one human being can take. And between men, friends, and college, I've really had enough.
Yet another wait-list. So after four years of being the "smart girl" I'm still not worth a damn.
I'm going to go work out, because if I don't, I'm just going to eat my feelings and that is the last thing I need.

Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt

So, basically, FML [Fuck My Life]
Today was such an awful day that I couldn't even go to rehearsal. And for me, that it is bad.

So, I wake up in the morning. Late. Fine. It's happened before. Get out of the house without eating. I realize I forgot my cell phone and my wallet. I tell my mom, who's in the car with me and I get yelled at because when I was younger, I forgot it all the time. But I haven't done it even once this year until now. Okay, fine. Whatevs. So she gives me seven dollars, yells at me some more and I walk into school. I don't have my ID card, because of lack of wallet and I have to get a temporary. Which takes forever.
I walk in and my first teacher decides it's asshole day and yells at me for being late. Then, I go downstairs and go to film class, which was the ONLY good part of my day. Then, I went to Pilates. Which could've been great. Except I forgot my friend's towel downstairs. So after going from the 2nd floor, across the school to the 1st floor and then to the 4th floor, I have to go back down to the 1st floor and then back up to the 4th floor. Then my teacher marks me late. FML. By then, I'm really tired and pilates just hurts more than anything.
Then, I go to AP Russian and I don't even have any free time. There, she confronts me about wanting to drop the class next cycle and tells me that if I want to, I have to go to the principal. Guilt trip ensues and now I have to be in school until 11:25 everyday next cycle. Boo. Then, I go downstairs and I'm almost crying by now because I am so upset at everything. And I see my friend and she tells me "I have no sympathy, because of what I've been going through." She got herself into trouble and cried for a week. And who was there to help her? Yours truly. But she has no sympathy for me. Well, gee, thanks. So I talked to my director and I went home. I walked 25 NYC blocks and now I'm here, feeling a little bit better and getting a recipe for tonight's food.
Bad, bad day. I also had iced coffee and chicken tenders. Not the best. But I didn't have a choice. I had no money and there was nothing really at home. But I did walk 25 blocks and do pilates. And I'll do Tae-bo a little later.
Thank you for reading my rant. You're wonderful.

She's Only Happy In the Sun

Hey all! Sorry I didn't write yesterday. I was pooped. So today was pretty bleh. I got to wake up a little later than usual and was late to school, so I didn't even have time to get breakfast. And what did I have to get at school? A small bag of cookies and animal crackers. Bad. Bad, bad, bad. Not because of the cal. intake, because it's as much as my cereal and milk. But because it doesn't fill me up and it's anything but nutritious. At least the cereal has raisins and is made of granola bits. Anyway, it happens. What am I gonna do about it now? No Pilates today, but I walked for a long, long time through the Metropolitan Museum of Art and through Central Park. That was really nice. Lots of fresh air. But there was no sun. Only clouds. And that brought me down a little.
Then, I came back and went to rehearsal. I had some coffee and then I had a whole wheat bagel with the works. That has to stop happening, even if it is whole wheat, but I don't know what to do about it. So, then I went home. And I heated up some dinner. But then I went to exercise while I was heating it up and I did this weird little workout on Free on Demand that says 'Look Good in a Bikini' and it was INTENSE. It's by some woman that works at Self magazine and it seriously hurt. My arms are still shaking. Now, I have no energy to eat. Just do homework and go to sleep by nine or nine thirty. ASAP, I want sleep.
I accomplished a couple of things that I liked today. First of all, I didn't have the bag of chips that I usually do with my lunch. My friend was eating pizza right in front of me and I didn't even ask for a piece. Which usually happens, because we all share everything.
Also, funniest thing happened. At rehearsal, I fell asleep for about twenty minutes during a read-through and missed a line. But the second someone woke me up, I said my line right away. So I practically do know the script in my sleep, lol.

Happy Purim!

So, today wasn't a bad day. In the morning, I ate a serving of cereal. Then, I ate a small turkey roll and then I ate a Whole Wheat Bagel with turkey tomato mayo mozarella cheese. That was good. I'm glad I've discovered whole wheat. I also ate a small bag of chips -- 150 cals. Not so bad. Then I ate a small cupcake for my friend's birthday. Not the greatest thing ever. But I'll deal by using Tae-Bo videos. Whohoo!

At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, I'm going to say that my dad poured me an entire glass of wine at dinner tonight. However, it is a Jewish holiday and according to my dad, and I quote: "On Purim, you're supposed to get shitfaced." Nice holiday, lol.

So, yeah. I'm going to do Tae-Bo in a little while and I'm also going to purchase those P090 DVD's that my mom wants and I'm also going to get the firming videos. Possibly will purchase the Jillian 30-day work out thing. See how that works out.

Plans

So, my show is over on April 5th, which means I'll have more time. Here are the goals that I have really quickly:

-Get hours @ work for the weekdays.
-Learn to drive.
-Join Weight Watchers [yay!]
-Do more work-out videos.

Btw, question. Has anyone ever heard of the Extreme Body Workout PX09 thing? It's, like, a bunch of workout DVDs, and is apparently intense. If you've heard of it or especially if you used it, let me know!

Oh, rest of the food intake. I ate a piece of meat with whole wheat bread and then I made myself an amazing dinner for tomorrow. It's this garlic whole wheat pasta (I didn't even know they had that!) with chicken and broccoli. I had a taste. So great. Can't wait for dinner tomorrow. And I still have some brown rice left, which I will probably eat for lunch.

Slight Digression .. But I'm Back on Track

So, last night wasn't too awful, actually. I ate the tiniest piece of cake ever and had Raspberry Absolut mixed with Diet Coke. Which was not awful. Could've been better. And I really shouldn't drink anyway.
Today, however, was not a good day. I wasn't feeling well in the morning, most likely because I drank some and I woke up kind of late for work because of the time change. So no breakfast at home. I had to resort to Mac and Cheese at work. Then I ate a bag of pretzels and a slice of pizza for lunch. That I am not at all proud of. Upon coming home, I ate one of these sweet things that my mom brought home for Purim (it's a Jewish holiday and you're supposed to eat this cute little cookie; cute, of course, until it makes you fat).
But I went upstairs, readjusted my priorities and am now successfully back on track. I'm going to go out right now and buy some good, healthy food so that I can be good the rest of the week. And I'm also going to go on the treadmill for forty five minutes. This used to be my problem. I'd get off track and then I'd just stop. But I'm just not going to let that happen anymore.
In good news, I was on my feet, constantly moving all day. That and I got on the scale this morning. 215 pounds. That's two less than Monday. Yay! Here's to losing more than 2 pounds next week.
Thank you all for your great advice. And I wish I would've read one of your posts earlier, because then I probably would've had less of a crappy eating day today. Hangover=Bad. But, what's done is done. No going back. Now I'll just have to make up for it.

Hey!
So, yesterday totally wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. My friend's mom is wonderful and she made salad and she also cut the pizza slices in half. Super smart. And I didn't eat a lot during the day, so that was good. So, here's the intake.

Breakfast- Bowl of cereal & coffee.

Snacks- Mini rice cakes.

Lunch- Bag of chips. Boo. But it wasn't that bad, I guess. It was less than an entire meal would've cost me and it filled me up.

Dinner- Not as bad as it could've been. Half a slice of pizza, small piece of lasagna, some avocado and greens salad, and a small piece of ice cream cake. Tonight, I'm going to another birthday party. That has no eating, but possibly a lot of drinking. And I heard that beer and other alcohol has, like, a million calories. Is that true?

Anyway, this morning (like I said, my friend's mom is amazing), I had a couple of whole wheat pancakes with strawberries and blueberries. So I don't feel guilty at all.

This weekend, I have work and so much homework, and all these parties. Bahhh! Craziness. I'll probably update before I leave for the party. And thanks to everyone, for all your wonderful supportive comments. Weigh-in tomorrow! [insert scary music here]

A Little Doubt Goes A Long Way

So, I didn't post yesterday, mostly because I was dead tired and I didn't have the greatest day. For some reason, probably because I didn't get much sleep, I was REALLY hungry all day. I even got cranky at some point during rehearsal and people started asking me if it was okay. I explained to one girl that because I'm eating less and exercising, I'm really tired, along with homework and college apps and everything. So, basically, I was just cranky. So when I came home, I didn't binge, but I ate more than Tuesday or Wednesday. So here's that.

Breakfast: Bowl of cereal (1 serving), Coffee.

Lunch: Roll with Turkey, Tomato, Lettuce, Mozarella Cheese, and Mayo. Not the best thing EVER, but my choices are very limited when I'm in school. I also had a bowl of grapes.

Dinner: Red rice with beans again. Did not have the energy to stand up and cook something. But then, I had a cup of yogurt with bits of strawberries and cereal. Then later, I had a bowl of strawberries and this little thing of cottage cheese wrapped in thin dough.

I did pilates in the morning. Still painful, but getting better. I'm lucky I have pilates in school, right? Anyway, then I went on the treadmill and burned 203 calories, but I didn't run as long as I usually do, only because I was really tired.
So, the lesson I think that was learned from yesterday is that I can't expect to exercise and eat less while barely sleeping at night. It just won't happen. So today I stayed home and I just woke up at 11:30. Caught up on my sleep. Haven't eaten yet. Gonna go after this post.

So, that's that. Today, is my friend's birthday party and I'm sleeping over. There will be a lot of food there. And no treadmill or pilates. Not good. At all. I'm going to have to eat very small portions. We're most likely eating pizza. So I guess I'll eat half a slice? I don't know. We'll see what happens.

Thank you so much to everyone who commented and gave me advice! I think I've got my question figured out. Exercise any time can't hurt. Eating a lot before bed not good. Eating a little, depends on how you're feeling.

Upping the Self-Restraint

Hey Everyone!
So, I need to stop fundraising. First the bakesale, and now I'm walking around all day with a candy box full of candy bars. Great. However, I cheated a little when I was at the bakesale yesterday. With the candy box, I didn't cheat. And it was in front of me for almost twelve hours today. So, yeah. Exciting stuff. No cheating whatsoever. I was proud of that.
Other than that, I didn't do pilates because we don't meet on Wednesdays, but I ran on the treadmill for a half hour and burned 203 calories, which is more than yesterday. I also did four minutes of running instead of three and a half like yesterday. So that was a really nice feeling.

Morning: Tortilla w/ cheese. Coffee with milk.

Lunch: 2 rolls of sushi [not the best thing ever, but I didn't have much of a choice] and edamame and coffee.

Dinner: Made Red Rice w/ Beans from Roni's LiteBite Recipes. Really good. Had one serving.

I may or may not have yogurt in less than an hour. Just plain with Splenda.

So, if anyone reads this, I would totally appreciate if you would answer my question from yesterday! Thank you so much in advance and happy blogging!

Getting Stronger...But I'm Not There Yet.

Hey all! So, today was an overall good day. There's still a bunch of snow on the ground, so I planned on going for a morning run on my treadmill and skip the outside. Unfortunately, those plans got ruined, because I woke up a half hour late. I forgot to turn my phone off vibrate and onto ringer, so that's that. Still got on the treadmill today. But it isn't quite enough. Hopefully tomorrow nothing of that sort goes wrong.
So, eating was pretty good today except I ran a bake sale for the Make a Wish Foundation and was told I could help myself. Booooo. Why would you say that to me? I ended up eating 2 cookies, a small piece of pita with hummus, some pasta and two small dumplings. It's not a HUGE overload because I went right back to the diet after that, but it is a digression. I controlled myself more than I would prior to the diet, but it's not enough. Hence I'm not there yet.
I did about thirty minutes of Pilates today. My teacher is working me really hard. Not a minute of rest. Ouch.
So, here's the food intake to get it over with.

Breakfast: One serving of Low Fat Granola w/ Raisins Cereal + Coffee with Milk & Splenda.

Snack: Fruit Bowl [Strawberries, melon, pineapple]

Unnecessary Bake Sale Crap: Pasta, two cookies, two dumplings, piece of pita with hummus. This part was bad, but I'm working on eliminating it.

Lunch: Salad with cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, croutons, avocado, corn and oil and lemon dressing. That was pretty good and very filling.

Snack: Two servings of mini rice cakes. Again, needs to be cut down. But I'll be okay. Also had more coffee because I was dead tired.

Dinner: Here's the good part. I made some food off of Roni's LiteBite website. SO GOOD. I made the Zucchini Pizza Bites and the Tortilla Pizza, both of which I shared with my dad and it was great. I felt accomplished for making dinner, but I didn't feel like I'd eaten too much.

Exercise: 30 minutes pilates, 30 minutes treadmill. I ran for 3 and a half minutes at a time, which is an upgrade from the last time I got on the treadmill. I'm hoping to up my stamina and be able to run a whole five minutes by next week. And ten by the end of the month. We'll see how that works for me.

This is all great, but it left little to no time for me to do homework. In fact, I haven't done any, so I'll have to do it in school. Must...Learn...To...Time...Manage. I know. It's a scary concept.

Now, I have a question.

There's a whole debate going on in my house and I'm wondering if anyone could tell me a good answer. My dad said it's good to eat before you go to bed, because of some kind of kidney blood whatever something. And my mom says it's bad because you don't end up digesting it and it just floats around. My mom also says that you shouldn't exercise after seven because your body doesn't register the work-out. My dad says that's bs. Anybody have an answer???

The Before Shots

I post way too much and do homework way too little. But I guess that's what happens when you're a second semester senior with a 3.9 GPA. Here go the pictures of now. Hopefully, in fifteen pounds, there will be some kind of change. I have cut my face off, mostly because I have a lot of friends, but high school kids can be brutal. No point in risking it.

Early Morning Happies

This is really rare. I am ridiculously happy and it's not even 11AM. That's because ..... SCHOOLS ARE CLOSED IN NYC....for the first time since January 2004. So, basically, I'm going to burn quite a few calories shoveling snow, huh.. I'm also going to go on the treadmill and do my entire pilates routine. Above that, I'm probably going to play with my dog in the snow, possibly do some other work outs. Not sure yet. Right now, I woke up half an hour ago and my stomach feels totally empty. So I'm going to go get some food in my system. I'll be back to tell you what I eat.

Actually, I'm not done yet. I guess since this is a blog, feelings still apply too, right? Well, one of my very close friends has lied to me and my best friend about something extremely serious. No, it's not "I didn't make out with him!" when she really did. It's a matter far more serious than that. And I just can't believe that she would lie like that. And because I'm questioning her, she keeps making up more lies and she's just digging herself in a hole that I'm not sure she can climb her way out of. Basically, this whole thing makes me feel veyr hurt and disappointed. And last night (I realized this as I was doing), just when I was talking to my best friend about it and complaining about being put in this position, I went straight for the fridge and grabbed a yogurt and some cheese. So there's a reason that I overeat. I get hurt, I eat. Pretty simple, actually.


Breakfast: Omelette with cheese & black pepper and plain yogurt with Splenda.

Snacks: A couple of croutons.

I'm about to get down with some pilates right now. And then I'm eating steamed chicken with broccoli and brown rice and wonton soup. Which is about as healthy as it gets, I think, with Chinese food. And then it's treadmill time.

Dinner: Small Wonton Soup with those little crispy things, Small Chicken (no broccoli, sadly), Small Brown Rice. Coffee with Splenda, milk, and some Cool Whip.

Overall, a pretty good day, I'd say. I might have some plain yogurt with Splenda as a snack before school. Or maybe I'll have some fruit instead. We'll see how I feel later. I may also go on the treadmill. Tomorrow, I'll be getting back to the schedule I've decided on, because I'm actually going to school.

Day One...Well, night.

216.8
That's how many pounds I weigh right now. This is the absolute highest that I have ever gotten to and I want it to remain that way. I never want to be more than 216.8 pounds. Ever. Sure, it's after eating and drinking all day, blah, blah, blah. 216.8 pounds is not a good weight to be before or after eating. So there.

Many think I'm immature. I'm only seventeen and I want to make a huge life change. This usually only happens when someone is in their mid to late twenties. But I want to make a change. My mom always told me I was going on fifty and it's time to prove her right. I don't look 216.8 pounds. But I do look overweight. And I don't really care about impressing people, but looking in the mirror makes me unhappy. That should be enough to lose weight.

According to some website, my "happy weight" is 144 pounds. And that's now what I'm striving for. My diets always, always, always fail. But I'm determined. And not just for one day like I usually am. I must lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling insecure and thinking "I have a pretty face. I just wish I had a body to go with it," and being jealous of my friends, who are much skinnier than me. Yes. It will be hard. But if I stick with it, I'm sure I will succeed. I have to. So here's every single bit of food that I took in today. It's not good, but I'm hoping that writing it all down will scare me away from eating so much. And exercising more.

Breakfast: 100 Calorie Bar, Coffee with Splenda and Milk

Lunch: McChicken, Snack Wrap, Stole Some Fries from my Friend, Sprite.

Dinner: 2 Chicken legs, some potatoes with meat, Diet Iced Tea.

Unnecessary Crap: 3 Cookies, 1 Piece of Cake.

Good Stuff: A couple of strawberries, one orange.

So I guess that SUCKED. As for exercise, I suppose I walked a lot. But that was a lot. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. For now, I'll take a survey thing that I found on someone else's blog.

Wait. I lied. One more thing I have to say as an intro. My blog name "Acting Skinny" has quite a few reasons behind it. First off, I'm an actor. And a lot of the time, I'll be writing about acting. That and I'm usually one of the fattest girls in my shows. And I hate it. Secondly, I act skinny. I eat whatever the hell I want sometimes and don't talk about losing weight. The name reminds me that I can't just ignore the problem. The third and last reason is that I think that every single person needs to love themselves. And to me, loving myself means losing weight. I don't want to be anorexic, but having a good body would make me love myself significantly more. I can't have that right away, so I need an alternative. So for now, I'm pretending to be skinny and using this blog to love myself. I hope that makes sense. Now here's the survey thing.

1. What types of food are you most likely to overeat?
Well, there's a lot of food. First of all, whenever there is cake and cookies in my house (not often), I eat A LOT. Mostly because it's so rare that I'm allowed any sweets at home. Just proves that keeping something away makes it seems interesting. That and anything that is really easy. Anything that I can just heat and eat. Heat & Eat sounds cute. But it's not.

2. What times of day do you overeat most often?
Fuck. Every time of day. Mostly when I'm being an insomniac, I guess. And when I'm in school.

3. What feelings are you having most often when you overeat?
I feel satisfied. I feel like I've satisfied an extreme craving and I feel calm. But now that I think about it, there has to be something more than food that can make me feel satisfied.

4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder?
Sometimes. Once in awhile, I walk downstairs (and count it as exercise to ease my guilt) and eat my entire kitchen. Like everything. It's bad.

5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain?
I've had a lot of crappy things happen to me and I did not now how to deal with them. Which is nobody's fault really. That and I'm very, very busy. Which is my fault. But I'm not going to give up my life for dieting. In that case, there's no point in dieting.

6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight?
Sometimes I like to blame my parents. But all in all, I know it's not their fault.

7. What other behaviors mademake you overweight?
I am freakin' lazy. I like to swim and run but it depends on what day you ask me. Also, I'm kind of a quitter. I say I'm going to start a routine or something and I give up like it's nobody's business. All the time. Hopefully, that doesn't stop me this time.

8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight?
Active, yes. Exercising, no. Not at all, really.

9. What made you finally want to change?
I've always wanted to change. I'm not happy with myself and I should be. That's all it is. I'm just realizing that my happiness is far more important than a piece of cake.

Toodles, everyone. I'm going to try and get a lot of sleep tonight. Apparently, that helps.