Sunday, March 1, 2009

Day One...Well, night.

That's how many pounds I weigh right now. This is the absolute highest that I have ever gotten to and I want it to remain that way. I never want to be more than 216.8 pounds. Ever. Sure, it's after eating and drinking all day, blah, blah, blah. 216.8 pounds is not a good weight to be before or after eating. So there.

Many think I'm immature. I'm only seventeen and I want to make a huge life change. This usually only happens when someone is in their mid to late twenties. But I want to make a change. My mom always told me I was going on fifty and it's time to prove her right. I don't look 216.8 pounds. But I do look overweight. And I don't really care about impressing people, but looking in the mirror makes me unhappy. That should be enough to lose weight.

According to some website, my "happy weight" is 144 pounds. And that's now what I'm striving for. My diets always, always, always fail. But I'm determined. And not just for one day like I usually am. I must lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling insecure and thinking "I have a pretty face. I just wish I had a body to go with it," and being jealous of my friends, who are much skinnier than me. Yes. It will be hard. But if I stick with it, I'm sure I will succeed. I have to. So here's every single bit of food that I took in today. It's not good, but I'm hoping that writing it all down will scare me away from eating so much. And exercising more.

Breakfast: 100 Calorie Bar, Coffee with Splenda and Milk

Lunch: McChicken, Snack Wrap, Stole Some Fries from my Friend, Sprite.

Dinner: 2 Chicken legs, some potatoes with meat, Diet Iced Tea.

Unnecessary Crap: 3 Cookies, 1 Piece of Cake.

Good Stuff: A couple of strawberries, one orange.

So I guess that SUCKED. As for exercise, I suppose I walked a lot. But that was a lot. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. For now, I'll take a survey thing that I found on someone else's blog.

Wait. I lied. One more thing I have to say as an intro. My blog name "Acting Skinny" has quite a few reasons behind it. First off, I'm an actor. And a lot of the time, I'll be writing about acting. That and I'm usually one of the fattest girls in my shows. And I hate it. Secondly, I act skinny. I eat whatever the hell I want sometimes and don't talk about losing weight. The name reminds me that I can't just ignore the problem. The third and last reason is that I think that every single person needs to love themselves. And to me, loving myself means losing weight. I don't want to be anorexic, but having a good body would make me love myself significantly more. I can't have that right away, so I need an alternative. So for now, I'm pretending to be skinny and using this blog to love myself. I hope that makes sense. Now here's the survey thing.

1. What types of food are you most likely to overeat?
Well, there's a lot of food. First of all, whenever there is cake and cookies in my house (not often), I eat A LOT. Mostly because it's so rare that I'm allowed any sweets at home. Just proves that keeping something away makes it seems interesting. That and anything that is really easy. Anything that I can just heat and eat. Heat & Eat sounds cute. But it's not.

2. What times of day do you overeat most often?
Fuck. Every time of day. Mostly when I'm being an insomniac, I guess. And when I'm in school.

3. What feelings are you having most often when you overeat?
I feel satisfied. I feel like I've satisfied an extreme craving and I feel calm. But now that I think about it, there has to be something more than food that can make me feel satisfied.

4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder?
Sometimes. Once in awhile, I walk downstairs (and count it as exercise to ease my guilt) and eat my entire kitchen. Like everything. It's bad.

5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain?
I've had a lot of crappy things happen to me and I did not now how to deal with them. Which is nobody's fault really. That and I'm very, very busy. Which is my fault. But I'm not going to give up my life for dieting. In that case, there's no point in dieting.

6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight?
Sometimes I like to blame my parents. But all in all, I know it's not their fault.

7. What other behaviors mademake you overweight?
I am freakin' lazy. I like to swim and run but it depends on what day you ask me. Also, I'm kind of a quitter. I say I'm going to start a routine or something and I give up like it's nobody's business. All the time. Hopefully, that doesn't stop me this time.

8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight?
Active, yes. Exercising, no. Not at all, really.

9. What made you finally want to change?
I've always wanted to change. I'm not happy with myself and I should be. That's all it is. I'm just realizing that my happiness is far more important than a piece of cake.

Toodles, everyone. I'm going to try and get a lot of sleep tonight. Apparently, that helps.


Rebecca said...

Welcome to weight loss blogging. It is really awesome. I am not much older than you, 23, and I love it here. I am sure you will too. Any questions...feel free to ask.

I just have one piece of advice. I noticed you mentioned 'happy weight' but I would just say that becoming happier should be part of the process, just the same as losing weight. When you reach your goal, you are not automatically going to be happy so learning the things that make you happy along the way and doing more of those things will really leave you feeling confident and like you can achieve your goals in weight loss and in life.

Looking forward to seeing your progress girl!