Monday, April 20, 2009

Trying With All My Might to Stay Strong

Wow, I'm just on a roll with this lack of updates.
Last week basically sucked. I had people staying with me, so I couldn't find much time to exercise. Then I went to Maryland with school and definitely didn't have time to exercise. So last week was poop. But I'm continuing with P90X today. I did the Core Synergistics. It was really hard. I'm not thrilled with how much it hurts, but I'll deal with it. The only thing that bugs me is the food. I, personally, cannot do it. At least I haven't been able to. It's so structured and I'm still in school and I don't have time to cook AND exercise. I eat whatever my mom makes for me, which is usually pretty healthy, but it doesn't give me that P90X thrill. Those recipes make you want to exercise your brains off, because they give you so much energy. But I can't do that, because I'm eating whatever my mom makes for my dad and me. And I would feel awful to make her cook for us separately.
Now, I'm thinking the way to solve this problem is to join Weight Watchers and talk about it in a meeting. Maybe they'll have some kind of insight for me on what ingredients my mom can add into food to make it more energy boosting or fat shredding or whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing that week. Supposedly, after this week I'm supposed to have been completing the first phase. And I do feel a little bit different, I suppose. I feel a little bit stronger, I have a little bit more endurance. But because of my unorganization, I haven't really lost much weight. Hopefully, in round two, I'll be able to kick all the fat in my body. Plus with added Weight Watchers, I'll hopefully be eating right. I just don't know anymore.
This whole losing weight thing is getting me down big time. It's like ever since I've decided to lose weight, I've noticed the fact that I'm fat twice as much. It's as if I don't see my face anymore. I just see my body and everything that is wrong with it. And trust me. There is a whole lot. And I keep thinking that I'm not going to be able to do this. Because, really, what if I'm not. What if I'm going to be fat forever? I can't live with those kinds of ideas in my brain but I don't know how to stop them from happening.
Anyway, sorry for the depressing mood I may or may not have caused from this. I'm just going to keep going with P90X and try to stay strong.
Oh. And I'm also going to try to post every day again.

And what I ate today...

Breakfast- Bowl of Granola Cereal.
Snack- 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and a peach snapple (I know, I know...)
Lunch- Miso soup, dragon roll, and spicy tuna roll.
Snack- Yogurt with granola pieces and a waffle.
Dinner- Probably chicken. About to go and have some.
Overall, not awful. But I'm not feeling very energetic.


Monica said...

I was juuust thinking about you earlier today, was wondering how you were doing. The way I look at it is the only other choice you have is to get bigger. Its what keeps me going...frustrating but the results will be worth it :)