Sunday, May 10, 2009

I Think I'm Paranoid

First of all, you guys are all completely ridiculous for giving me awards! I'm really glad you enjoy my blog and it makes me super happy, but there are so many more people that deserve them. And that update more...eek. Anyway, so first thing's first. Here are my awards.
So thanks to Monica and Learning to be Less (sorry, I don't know your real name!!!!!) for the awards and here are some awards of my own.
1. Monica at is freakin' amazing. Everything she says is real and honest and she's been my support throughout the past couple of months of this process. Without her, I would not be blogging. I just know it. She always comments back and never lets anyone be down on themselves. And she's super sweet.
2. Rebecca at is ridiculously fierce. Her weight loss is totally constant and reading her posts makes me want to do better all the time. She's really motivated and has fun posts!
3. Karen at is so funny and absolutely everything she writes about amuses me. She's also extremely honest and isn't afraid to say anything. On top of that, she's really motivated and the amount of exercise she does is ridiculous!
4. Jenn at is so great. Her photography is absolutely wonderful and she always posts the greatest videos and inspirational things. I really love reading her blog all the time, because she doesn't just write about weight loss. She writes about life.
5. Fat Bridesmaid at is the first weight loss blog I ever found. If I hadn't found her, I wouldn't know that weight loss blogging existed and I would've never held myself accountable for everything. And she has Biggest Loser live chats which I wish I could join because they look like so much fun, but I don't have a computer and a television in the same room. And her posts are overall great.
Anyway, thanks to everyone! And you are all absolutely amazing.
On to some updates. I'm really scared that I did awful this week and come Tuesday, I am going to regret everything. But it may just be that I'm paranoid. For the past three days, I have been out to eat. Friday night, I went to Friday's (it's tradition) and had Cobb salad and one and a half breadsticks with honey mustard...At 12:30AM. Then Saturday, we had a pot luck at school. And I ate a lot. But that was pretty much the only thing I ate all day. So does it count? Do either of those count? I didn't eat that much other than those things. Then, today, I broke my 2009 barbecue cherry and went to a Mother's Day barbecue. It wasn't the healthiest thing but other than breakfast, it was the only thing I ate. And I didn't track my points, because I just didn't know how. During the food, I felt so guilty. And right afterwards also. But then when I look back at it, it's just not that bad. I mean, I haven't exercised since Thursday when Laurence kicked my ass. That might be part of it. But tomorrow I'm not going to school and I am going to kick my own ass really hard. I'm going to do Jillian, treadmill, Tae-bo and pilates. Tomorrow is going to be no joke. And hopefully that saves me on Tuesday's weigh-in. Because I'm scared. In the past two weeks, I haven't gained. And I don't want Tuesday to be the first time. I just don't.
I also don't want to go to my personal trainer on Thursday, my second week, with a gain. I'll just look bad. So for the rest of this week, butt must be kicked. Really hard. And there's no question about it.
What else? Oh yeah. I'm graduating. I will never get to be on my school's stage ever again. We all just cried so hard the other day. Because I love my school's theatre so much. And I'm leaving. And I can't come back. No matter how much I'll want to. I'm not going to write much about it, becuase I'm going to cry again and I don't want to have it.
So, I guess that's all for now. I will update tomorrow if I don't pass out, lol. Good night.


Monica said...

I was super emotional the last 2 weeks of school. What was hilarious is that all of us seniors got along! Get yourself a fabulous scrapbook going or what I did was buy a cool notebook and had all my friends write stuff in it! It does help!

Dont worry about your food intake for those three days, it wont matter by Thursday as long as you keep your behind moving. Also, I cant believe you went to Fridays! Was there a snake head in your meal? (Shiver)

Monica said...

Oh and I just saw your other comment--I hope you wont be a slut! LOL. I used to think the same thing but now I realize I dont like the guys who like sluts anyways!

I love but for some insane reason, I cannot list her blog on mine, dammit!

Jenn said...

Hi, thanks for stopping by my blog! I'm going to add yours to my blogroll so I can follow your progress.
Don't beat yourself up about the last few days. It takes a long time to learn how to do this right (heck, I'm still learning and I've been alive a lot longer than you!). Keep positive, use those times as learning, and move on. The worst thing is to beat yourself up because if you're like me, that leads to feeling down, which leads to...eating!
I was a drama girl in high school as well - leaving the stage at school was just so hard! Our last performance everyone was crying. It was a very emotional time for me, but I LOVED those years of school, and have such great memories from all the plays and shows I was in.
Good luck on your weigh in - be sure to post your thoughts on the Biggest Loser finale!