blackberry

Hi everyone. Okay, so I haven't been very good with posting lately. I've been really busy and I'm updating now off my brand new blackberry curve. Woohooo! Um I saw my PT and obviously he kicked my ass. I haven't been counting points but I have been eating very healthy. Oh! I also found the gym at my job and went. It's not that great but it has bikes, stairmasters, treadmills and weights. What else could I really need right? What else...oh. I really want the wii fit. And the one with Jillian. Anyway I'm going to watch a movie and then I'll hopefully get to see how everyone is doing!!!

HAPPYTIME!

Damn. That was one of the greater workouts I've had. Maybe it was the fact that I was pumped up because I just watched Bring It On. Or maybe it was the video. It is jam-packed with FUN. I can't wait to try the rest of the Turbo Jam series that is in my room. You don't even realize you're working out that hard until there are buckets of sweat pouring from every part of your body. Clearly, I really enjoyed it, lol.
Now, I'm going to go out to a Thai Restaurant and I'm not going to feel guilty at all. Not even a little bit. And I'm going to get all pretty and do my hair. And it's all because I feel great after a workout. Endorphins are a wonder.
I made a turkey burger today. Sooo good. Not better than a hamburger, but I can deal. I'll have a hamburger eventually, lol. I also ate baked potato chips. And I had turkey bacon for breakfast with one of those breakfast quesadillas. Basically, I've had the perfect combination of eating right and working out today and I am so, so happy. Wow. I don't even know what to post.
Oh. I do know what to post. I'm really scared about the upcoming week. Because tonight I'm sleeping over my friend's house and then I'm going to sing in a concert. So I won't be home until late Saturday night. I just don't want to break all the good work I've been doing and go completely nutso with food and lack of exercise. And then on Monday and Tuesday I'm going to be in Washington D.C. and we're eating out, EVERY DAY. I just have to stay strong, I guess.
Anyway, I have to go get ready, because I'm leaving in an hour. But I hope everyone had as good a day as I had and from my mouth to God's ears, I hope we can all be at least half as excited about losing weight everyday!

I Love My PT

So, today I went to see Lawrence again. It was my second free session. He may have kicked my ass, but I did end up wanting to pay for 25 sessions up front, which means this story has a happy ending.
So, last time, I came in with Converses, which are the devil. And today, I came in with new shoes. Which are worse the devil, because I almost cried from the intense pain in my feet. Those were my mom's. But he told me to get New Balance. So I'm going to get New Balance and I'm going to break those things in 'till the end of the dawn before Thursday. Because my feet were killing me. And we had to stick with mostly arms and upper leg exercises, which let me tell you, didn't make my face any less red or make me sweat any less, lol.
So, there was this one thing that he asked me to do. He rolled me a 5kg thing that looked like a basketball and asked me to throw it over the pull-up bar. The trick was I had to be sitting when he rolled me the ball and when I stood up, that was when I could throw it.
Basically, that was really really hard. First, because I'm not really that good at regular basketball. Second, because that thing was heavy as hell. At first, I kept hitting the bar and covering my head when it bounced back towards me. Eventually, I got it over those ten times. Then I went to do something else and then we started the circuit over again and I got back to that basketball thing with a mental goal that I would get it over every single time of the ten...

And I did. Which was the greatest feeling ever, because I set my mind to it and I did it. Yes, it hit the bar a couple of times, but it went over regardless all ten times on the first try. And it was great.

So he told me that he's going to present me with a "challenge" every time I come in and that sometimes, it's going to be tougher than I can believe and that sometimes, I'll be okay to do it. This is the part where the BL-loving part of my mind takes over and I get really excited. So we'll see what my challenge is next week.

Then he told me that I could either stop now or I could pay for the two lessons and keep going, depending on whether or not I want to continue. Obviously, I told him I wanted to continue. He also sat me down and told me that if at anytime during the week, I'm feeling really down, like I don't want to do this anymore, to call him and that he'll talk to me, any time of day, regardless of when and try to motivate me. Hence the title "I Love My PT." He's not one of those trainers--come in, do the work, get out. He wants to help even when I'm not there. And he answers all my questions a million times over.

Food intake was not the best, but after the session, I found myself to be RIDICULOUSLY hungry. But I'm okay now. And I'm stopping. I think I went over by 2 or 3 points, but I put them in my extra 35.

Wow.

Okay, so I can't really update right now, because BL is on for 3 hours. But I lost 2 pounds this week despite everything and...
HOLY SHIT, MIKE IS FUCKIN' GORGEOUS.
Pardon the language. That's literally what I yelled out when I saw him. Wowowowowowow. Okay. That's all. More later when I'm done watching.

I'm going to try to do this quickly. I now officially weigh 214.2 on my WW scale and 213.6 on my at home scale. Yay five week frenzy! Doing good so far! Um, I'm a little iffy about Helen winning, because to me, she didn't look too healthy. I mean, I'm happy for her, but she looked too thin. She looked a little bit sick even. I would've much rather Tara won. And obviously, I wanted Mike to win, lol. Although, truthfully, out of all the top 3, I think Mike was the one that looked the healthiest. Tara looked...Worn out or something. I don't know what it was about her. But she looked like she was going to pass out or something right then and there, which didn't make me happy. But Mike looked healthy, happy, and alive, which is why, in my eyes, he's the biggest loser. Tara and Helen keep going like this, they're going to gain the weight back, God forbid. So hopefully they can calm down a little now that the competition is over and start living life normally, somewhere in the middle of psychotic and overweight, lol.

I Didn't Think I Could

Today, I did the impossible. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and I just don't want to do anything. Well, no, that's not the right way to explain it. I want to do what I have to do, but my body is pushing me and telling me that I just can't today. My eyes are closing, I'm sluggish, the works. So you know how I promised myself a crazy workout? Well, unfortunately, today was one of those days. I told myself I would go to work out at 3, because I thought I'd be out of my slump. I wasn't. And I ended up going at 3:20. And I went to do level 2 of the 30 day shred. I did not want to do. I was so confused and so upset. Usually, I can find something to get myself excited about working out. But all I wanted to do was sleep. And I wasn't outwardly whining, but I could feel myself about to whine. But what I did, which was amazing to me, was that I didn't quit. I got through that entire workout. Yes, I did quite a few of those five second breaks. And I did some of the strength exercises without weights. But I worked through my sluggishness. And I did not think that was possible. Now, I'm going to eat, I'm going to relax a little, I'm going to shower, and then I am getting on that treadmill.
It was so weird, though. Like, no matter what I told myself about a weigh-in tomorrow and no matter how much I tried to get myself in the spirit, I was just so tired. Maybe it's cause I slept too much. That can have a bad effect on you too. When I woke up, it was nearly one o'clock. That's not good. But I was really tired. That can't happen again. Anyway, I'll update more later when the day is more close to over. I just really wanted to share my accomplishment.

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Random. But my stumble brought me to this. It really puts in perspective how you're living your life. It's also a game. So it's fun. So here you go...It's called The Longevity Game.
http://www.nmfn.com/tn/learnctr--lifeevents--longevity_game

I Think I'm Paranoid

First of all, you guys are all completely ridiculous for giving me awards! I'm really glad you enjoy my blog and it makes me super happy, but there are so many more people that deserve them. And that update more...eek. Anyway, so first thing's first. Here are my awards.

So thanks to Monica and Learning to be Less (sorry, I don't know your real name!!!!!) for the awards and here are some awards of my own.

1. Monica at http://getpastthemoment.blogspot.com/ is freakin' amazing. Everything she says is real and honest and she's been my support throughout the past couple of months of this process. Without her, I would not be blogging. I just know it. She always comments back and never lets anyone be down on themselves. And she's super sweet.

2. Rebecca at http://fatfitnessfood.blogspot.com/ is ridiculously fierce. Her weight loss is totally constant and reading her posts makes me want to do better all the time. She's really motivated and has fun posts!

3. Karen at http://katschisfitcetera.blogspot.com/ is so funny and absolutely everything she writes about amuses me. She's also extremely honest and isn't afraid to say anything. On top of that, she's really motivated and the amount of exercise she does is ridiculous!

4. Jenn at http://exhotgirl.blogspot.com/ is so great. Her photography is absolutely wonderful and she always posts the greatest videos and inspirational things. I really love reading her blog all the time, because she doesn't just write about weight loss. She writes about life.

5. Fat Bridesmaid at http://fatbridesmaid.com/ is the first weight loss blog I ever found. If I hadn't found her, I wouldn't know that weight loss blogging existed and I would've never held myself accountable for everything. And she has Biggest Loser live chats which I wish I could join because they look like so much fun, but I don't have a computer and a television in the same room. And her posts are overall great.

Anyway, thanks to everyone! And you are all absolutely amazing.

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On to some updates. I'm really scared that I did awful this week and come Tuesday, I am going to regret everything. But it may just be that I'm paranoid. For the past three days, I have been out to eat. Friday night, I went to Friday's (it's tradition) and had Cobb salad and one and a half breadsticks with honey mustard...At 12:30AM. Then Saturday, we had a pot luck at school. And I ate a lot. But that was pretty much the only thing I ate all day. So does it count? Do either of those count? I didn't eat that much other than those things. Then, today, I broke my 2009 barbecue cherry and went to a Mother's Day barbecue. It wasn't the healthiest thing but other than breakfast, it was the only thing I ate. And I didn't track my points, because I just didn't know how. During the food, I felt so guilty. And right afterwards also. But then when I look back at it, it's just not that bad. I mean, I haven't exercised since Thursday when Laurence kicked my ass. That might be part of it. But tomorrow I'm not going to school and I am going to kick my own ass really hard. I'm going to do Jillian, treadmill, Tae-bo and pilates. Tomorrow is going to be no joke. And hopefully that saves me on Tuesday's weigh-in. Because I'm scared. In the past two weeks, I haven't gained. And I don't want Tuesday to be the first time. I just don't.

I also don't want to go to my personal trainer on Thursday, my second week, with a gain. I'll just look bad. So for the rest of this week, butt must be kicked. Really hard. And there's no question about it.

What else? Oh yeah. I'm graduating. I will never get to be on my school's stage ever again. We all just cried so hard the other day. Because I love my school's theatre so much. And I'm leaving. And I can't come back. No matter how much I'll want to. I'm not going to write much about it, becuase I'm going to cry again and I don't want to have it.

So, I guess that's all for now. I will update tomorrow if I don't pass out, lol. Good night.

Personal Trainer & Advice on Eating He Gave Me

Wow. I did not know working out until I met Laurence. Let me tell you, I got my ass whooped and it was just an intro session. Apparently, I get two sessions free and if I don't think it's for me, then I don't pay. If I decide to continue, then I pay for those and keep going.
Today, they took all my measurements and everything.
Apparently, on their scale, I am 213. Weird. But whatever. He told me every scale is different, so I'm just going to count it on my WW scale. And he also told me something VERY interesting, that I think you all should know about.

It seems so obvious, but I don't think anyone really does it. He told me a way to distribute my points so that I'm eating a lot in the morning (like 9 points) and then a 4 point snack and then a 7 point lunch and then a 3 point snack and then a 5 point dinner.
So, basically, eat a lot in the morning and work your way down until you're up to dinner and dont' eat after dinner unless you can help it.
Why this works...(such an obvious reason, I can't believe I didn't see it)
During the day, you walk around. You go to school, you go to work, you go to the gym, you walk home, etc. So when you eat a huge breakfast, you're burning it off as you're just going through your daily routine. At least some of it.
But when you eat a huge dinner, you're probably not going on the treadmill. You're probably sitting around, doing some work, watching some tv, writing on your blog, etc. Which means you're not burning calories. So why would you eat a big dinner?
So, the moral...Big breakfast, small dinner, more calories burned.
I'm putting this to the test starting tomorrow and seeing what happens.

He also told me that a healthy weight for me would be anywhere from 150-168. Which, I guess, was a little disappointing for me, because as some of you know, I was aiming for 140. What he told me is that my lean muscle is about 127 pounds of my body. You don't want to go anywhere near that lean muscle. Because if you do, you'll start getting weak. And that's not something I want. It's upsetting, I guess, that I'm big-boned and I'll never be as thin as my sister-in-law, for example, but it's comforting to know that I have less weight to lose to be healthy than I thought.

One last thing...I think that everyone should go and get their body fat measured. It's basically just this little thing that pinches your fat and tells you what percentage is fat and what percentage is lean muscle. That'll put it in perspective. Where do you have the most fat, in reality? What exactly do you need to work on? For those of you out there with a personal trainer, I'd really suggest asking him if he can do that for you. Because after he explained it to me, I feel like I understood how much weight I really should be losing.

So I should be losing 1-3 pounds a week starting next week. Of course, that's just a guesstimate. And, healthily, in about eight months, I should be down to a good size. I won't be any size zero, but I will be healthy. And I will not be sick. And to me, that's way better than being weak.

Now, I have a question for everyone. Have you tried this eating a lot in the morning thing? And how has it worked for you?

PS If you live in the Brooklyn, New York area, I would totally recommend going to Mike Duffy's. It's all personal trainers and they are AWESOME. They get you in shape, they drive you like you're in the military, but they have a way of motivating you. At least that's what I've seen so far. So you should definitely try it out. They also have them in Monmouth, NJ and another place in New Jersey that I can't remember.

Rain, Rain, Go Away.

I hate the rain right now. It's on my hit list. It's been raining and cloudy for the entire week and not only has it got me totally down and sleepy, but I also haven't been able to do my walks outside. So, yesterday, I did yoga/pilates, while watching One Tree Hill and that was after I already did Jillian Level 2. That crap hurts. I did it again too and I don't think I'm going to do it two days in a row ever again. Because I'm working the same muscles over and over again and it's taking a toll on my body. You're supposed to work different muscle groups every day and I can't afford to have my muscles dead for Thursday when I have my personal trainer. So I'm going to chillax tomorrow and either go on the treadmill or just walk around (depending on the weather).
So I'm walking to my Weight Watchers meeting in a few. And I really need a good weigh-in today. I think I did well. But I'm still always nervous. Because things happen and I had my monthly friend this week. Damn her.
Um, what else? Oh yeah. Biggest Loser tonight! I'm so excited! And my final exam is tomorrow. And then I'm going to a Yankee game. So I've got an exciting couple of days coming up!
I'll update after my WW meeting and I'll talk about my loss/gain.

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So, WW wasn't amazing. BUT I am proud of myself for something. First of all, I lost .4 pounds, which is, like, nothing. But I had my monthly friend. And my monthly friend usually KILLS me. I usually gain at least two pounds. The fact that I lost .4 (and possibly more since I was wearing jeans and a sweater this week) with my monthly friend is pretty amazing to me. Other than that, I've also reached the five pound mark! And my next mark is 5%. Six pounds to go! I walked to my WW meeting, which was also great. Well, during the walk, I wanted to kill someone because I felt like I was walking too slow and then when I sped up, my legs hurt and then argh. But afterwards, I was so happy that I'd made it that far that the pain and the annoyance didn't get to me.
This WW meeting came at the perfect time. It was about positive thinking. She gave us this really cute poem about gardens and gave us each a carnation. It was adorable. And one of the biggest things in the meeting was that you have to pull all the weeds out of your "garden" no matter how many times they grow back in the worst places. It was all very metaphorical and I enjoyed it.

Personal Trainer

So, I got me a personal trainer. Well, my mom offered it to me. And I told her hell yes. So we went shopping today. And I'm going to be training with this guy named Laurence. When I told him I wanted my ass kicked, he told me that he had been in the military for ten years and that he'd kick my ass even if I didn't want it kicked. So that was really great. And it'll be good. Because when I shook his hand, I thought my hand was going to fall off. And I think he was being gentle, lol. So my first appointment is Thursday at two o'clock.
Anyway, that made me pretty happy. So now it's actually time to kick my own ass and go do a Jillian tape. It's like a "Last Chance Workout" before my Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow. I'll probably do Level 2 Jillian, rest a little, then get on the treadmill. Kill me now before it hurts.

Dress Pants.

I have not been able to wear dress pants since last year. I dont' remember the last time I could wear them and be okay with it. And today, I had to wear dress pants for the open house. And I was really annoyed and scared. But just now, I put on dress pants and they fit. And it's one of the happiest moments I've had.
Update more when the day actually begins.

-----EDIT

So, today was a pretty good day overall. Except I am pissed as hell at my boss. I put all this time and effort into the open house. I did absolutely everything right, despite my being seventeen and having no experience. Everyone told me I did a great job. Unfortunately, he barely marketed the event and not a lot of people showed up. So my hard work was practically for nothing. The kids that did come had an amazing time. I just wish there were more of them.
Like, I hate that. He puts all this pressure on me but does absolutely nothing himself. And he's the professional here. I'm practically a baby.
Alright, whatever. So interesting news. I emailed Ron Morelli. I got his email address off of the South Lyon website and emailed him. I know that my investigating abilities are really creepy. But regardless, that's how I know it's really him. And I told him about how I want to lose weight and whatever. And he was SO sweet. He told me to never stop trying and not to hate myself and not to beat myself up if I have a bad day and that it looks like I'm on my way to a good start. And it was just really nice of him. And I asked him to pass my email on to Mike (eeek!) and hopefully he says he will. And he also said to keep in touch. Basically, it was a nice moment. And I might get killed for this, but the brown team was always one of my favorites, because they both had SO MUCH to overcome. And they fought. And I respect that. Especially Mike. I mean, he broke the record for the fifteenth week. The poor guy must've sweat blood the way he worked. And Ron was just so unhealthy and he's really brought himself back to a normal level. It's crazy how hard the two of them had to work and I'm glad they did it. So that was super exciting.
Other than that, I didn't get to work out because I had a million and a half things to do. But tomorrow, I'm going to kick my own ass. Really hard. I'm going to do Level 2 Shred and run on the treadmill. "This ain't no game" as one of my best friends would say, lol.
Oh! More exciting news! My mom is giving me a present: A personal trainer. The problem is taht I'm going to have to shop around and really find the one that I want. Because my biggest qualification for this personal trainer is: Be Jillian Michaels. No, I'm kidding. But basically, I need someone who will NOT feel bad for me even if I cry or scream. And I need someone who will not let me stop even if I'm begging. So I'll have to find someone heartless, basically.
That's all for today. AP Test tomorrow! Eek!

Planet Hollywood

Hey. So today was a pretty good day. The only problems were beer and Smirnoff Ice. But I'll work out a lot tomorrow to make up for it.
I had a chicken, tomato, and avocado sandwich at Planet Hollywood and it was great.
Um, other than that, I've got nothing much to say. Maybe later.

Very Talkative...

I'm very talkative today. After watching The Biggest Loser on my DVR, I'm going a little bananas with the ideas in my head. Plus I forgot stuff since I haven't posted in forever.
So, I ate Whole Wheat Pizza today. So good! Filled me right up and it was only four points. Also, I've been eating Lean Cuisine every night and I think it's really helping. I know I shouldn't liveon frozen food and I don't, but most of the time, I just don't have the time to cook food. And with Lean Cuisine, I'm not being killed.

Also, does anyone out there want to start a sort of Biggest Loser challenge? I mean, I can't offer a quarter of a million dollars (if I could, I'd have a personal trainer and a nutritionist, lol) and I don't even know what I can offer other than a job well done and a pat on the back. Obviously, we would get together on a blog, let's say, Tuesday. And we would say how much we lost and/or gained. And Monday could be our "Last Chance" workouts and we could talk about what we've been doing. The only thing is, if someone fell below our "yellow" line, they totally wouldn't get voted off. They'd just have been the two that fell below the yellow line. By the end of, let's say, two months, whoever loses the most weight wins. I think it may be a bit donuts for dinner, but it's an idea. Someone let me know if you'd be interested. Anyone? Lol. Okay.

Also, Jillian just KICKED my butt. I have a mirror in the room where I exercise and I've realized that I have this problem. When I see my red face and the huffing and puffing, I tend to stop and take a five second break. However, I covered the mirror. And if I don't look at myself, I keep going and when I look in the mirror after the workout, I'm happy my face is bright red and there's sweat dripping everywhere. I don't know. I guess it's a psychological thing.

Anyway, I think that may actually be it for the day. I think...

Time to Work Harder.

I've been working hard lately. I walked 60 blocks earlier this week and I just want to walk more and more and more. On Tuesday, I got on the scale at my WW meeting and lost 4.6 pounds. I am out of the 220's and I will NEVER go back again. No matter what. I will never be at 220 pounds in my life.
Watching The Biggest Loser (I cried like a baby seven times) today, I just got even more motivated. These people lose nine pounds a week. Yes, obviously, they sweat and bleed and cry and they have all day to work out. But if they can lose nine, I can lose another five. I won't be disappointed next Tuesday as long as I lose something. Anything. More than two pounds would be good.
I got my prom dress. Very happy about it. Haven't taken pictures yet, but when I do, they'll be up here.
Um, so on the topic of biggest loser, I think I have a crush on Mike. Lmao. But really. He's great. And when I saw him in that jacket, daaaaamn. That's probably why I want him to win, haha. And the way he helps his dad, it was just adorable. Okay. I'm stopping. I'm sorry. Anyway, if not for him, I want Tara to win. She is gorgeous. When they were showing the before and after videos and pictures, I was bawling. Because they all said they didn't realize how fat they were and I feel like that's me. I feel like I know I'm fat but until I lose all the weight, I won't know just how fat I am right now. It sounds confusing, but I think it's because I have nothing to compare to. I guess when I look at pictures from fifth grade, I'm just like "Wow. I was so skinny." But I convince myself that hormones did it. And partially, they did. But there will be no excuse when I take all this weight off.
I'm tired of not being able to wear the cutest clothes. I'm tired of being embarrassed to eat in public. I'm tired of being embarrassed to go shopping with my own friends. And I am hella tired of going to a party and wondering if I'm going to be the fattest person in the room. I am tired, tired, tired. And once all this weight comes off, I will never be in that place again. Ever. It just won't happen. It can't.