I Need You Guys.

Oy. So, I know. I'm an awful person for not posting and it's not fair for me to ask, but I really need motivation.
I haven't been doing well and that's probably why I haven't been posting. I mean, who wants to show everyone that they're not doing well? Not me. But I'm reaching out here.
I've been constantly hungry and I haven't been counting points and I've barely exercised. I'm feeling a little lost and I can't help but wonder where the hell my old motivation and energy is.
I don't think I've gained, but I'm getting there. So please help. Say anything. It might help me out.

blackberry

Hi everyone. Okay, so I haven't been very good with posting lately. I've been really busy and I'm updating now off my brand new blackberry curve. Woohooo! Um I saw my PT and obviously he kicked my ass. I haven't been counting points but I have been eating very healthy. Oh! I also found the gym at my job and went. It's not that great but it has bikes, stairmasters, treadmills and weights. What else could I really need right? What else...oh. I really want the wii fit. And the one with Jillian. Anyway I'm going to watch a movie and then I'll hopefully get to see how everyone is doing!!!

HAPPYTIME!

Damn. That was one of the greater workouts I've had. Maybe it was the fact that I was pumped up because I just watched Bring It On. Or maybe it was the video. It is jam-packed with FUN. I can't wait to try the rest of the Turbo Jam series that is in my room. You don't even realize you're working out that hard until there are buckets of sweat pouring from every part of your body. Clearly, I really enjoyed it, lol.
Now, I'm going to go out to a Thai Restaurant and I'm not going to feel guilty at all. Not even a little bit. And I'm going to get all pretty and do my hair. And it's all because I feel great after a workout. Endorphins are a wonder.
I made a turkey burger today. Sooo good. Not better than a hamburger, but I can deal. I'll have a hamburger eventually, lol. I also ate baked potato chips. And I had turkey bacon for breakfast with one of those breakfast quesadillas. Basically, I've had the perfect combination of eating right and working out today and I am so, so happy. Wow. I don't even know what to post.
Oh. I do know what to post. I'm really scared about the upcoming week. Because tonight I'm sleeping over my friend's house and then I'm going to sing in a concert. So I won't be home until late Saturday night. I just don't want to break all the good work I've been doing and go completely nutso with food and lack of exercise. And then on Monday and Tuesday I'm going to be in Washington D.C. and we're eating out, EVERY DAY. I just have to stay strong, I guess.
Anyway, I have to go get ready, because I'm leaving in an hour. But I hope everyone had as good a day as I had and from my mouth to God's ears, I hope we can all be at least half as excited about losing weight everyday!

I Love My PT

So, today I went to see Lawrence again. It was my second free session. He may have kicked my ass, but I did end up wanting to pay for 25 sessions up front, which means this story has a happy ending.
So, last time, I came in with Converses, which are the devil. And today, I came in with new shoes. Which are worse the devil, because I almost cried from the intense pain in my feet. Those were my mom's. But he told me to get New Balance. So I'm going to get New Balance and I'm going to break those things in 'till the end of the dawn before Thursday. Because my feet were killing me. And we had to stick with mostly arms and upper leg exercises, which let me tell you, didn't make my face any less red or make me sweat any less, lol.
So, there was this one thing that he asked me to do. He rolled me a 5kg thing that looked like a basketball and asked me to throw it over the pull-up bar. The trick was I had to be sitting when he rolled me the ball and when I stood up, that was when I could throw it.
Basically, that was really really hard. First, because I'm not really that good at regular basketball. Second, because that thing was heavy as hell. At first, I kept hitting the bar and covering my head when it bounced back towards me. Eventually, I got it over those ten times. Then I went to do something else and then we started the circuit over again and I got back to that basketball thing with a mental goal that I would get it over every single time of the ten...

And I did. Which was the greatest feeling ever, because I set my mind to it and I did it. Yes, it hit the bar a couple of times, but it went over regardless all ten times on the first try. And it was great.

So he told me that he's going to present me with a "challenge" every time I come in and that sometimes, it's going to be tougher than I can believe and that sometimes, I'll be okay to do it. This is the part where the BL-loving part of my mind takes over and I get really excited. So we'll see what my challenge is next week.

Then he told me that I could either stop now or I could pay for the two lessons and keep going, depending on whether or not I want to continue. Obviously, I told him I wanted to continue. He also sat me down and told me that if at anytime during the week, I'm feeling really down, like I don't want to do this anymore, to call him and that he'll talk to me, any time of day, regardless of when and try to motivate me. Hence the title "I Love My PT." He's not one of those trainers--come in, do the work, get out. He wants to help even when I'm not there. And he answers all my questions a million times over.

Food intake was not the best, but after the session, I found myself to be RIDICULOUSLY hungry. But I'm okay now. And I'm stopping. I think I went over by 2 or 3 points, but I put them in my extra 35.

Wow.

Okay, so I can't really update right now, because BL is on for 3 hours. But I lost 2 pounds this week despite everything and...
HOLY SHIT, MIKE IS FUCKIN' GORGEOUS.
Pardon the language. That's literally what I yelled out when I saw him. Wowowowowowow. Okay. That's all. More later when I'm done watching.

I'm going to try to do this quickly. I now officially weigh 214.2 on my WW scale and 213.6 on my at home scale. Yay five week frenzy! Doing good so far! Um, I'm a little iffy about Helen winning, because to me, she didn't look too healthy. I mean, I'm happy for her, but she looked too thin. She looked a little bit sick even. I would've much rather Tara won. And obviously, I wanted Mike to win, lol. Although, truthfully, out of all the top 3, I think Mike was the one that looked the healthiest. Tara looked...Worn out or something. I don't know what it was about her. But she looked like she was going to pass out or something right then and there, which didn't make me happy. But Mike looked healthy, happy, and alive, which is why, in my eyes, he's the biggest loser. Tara and Helen keep going like this, they're going to gain the weight back, God forbid. So hopefully they can calm down a little now that the competition is over and start living life normally, somewhere in the middle of psychotic and overweight, lol.

I Didn't Think I Could

Today, I did the impossible. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and I just don't want to do anything. Well, no, that's not the right way to explain it. I want to do what I have to do, but my body is pushing me and telling me that I just can't today. My eyes are closing, I'm sluggish, the works. So you know how I promised myself a crazy workout? Well, unfortunately, today was one of those days. I told myself I would go to work out at 3, because I thought I'd be out of my slump. I wasn't. And I ended up going at 3:20. And I went to do level 2 of the 30 day shred. I did not want to do. I was so confused and so upset. Usually, I can find something to get myself excited about working out. But all I wanted to do was sleep. And I wasn't outwardly whining, but I could feel myself about to whine. But what I did, which was amazing to me, was that I didn't quit. I got through that entire workout. Yes, I did quite a few of those five second breaks. And I did some of the strength exercises without weights. But I worked through my sluggishness. And I did not think that was possible. Now, I'm going to eat, I'm going to relax a little, I'm going to shower, and then I am getting on that treadmill.
It was so weird, though. Like, no matter what I told myself about a weigh-in tomorrow and no matter how much I tried to get myself in the spirit, I was just so tired. Maybe it's cause I slept too much. That can have a bad effect on you too. When I woke up, it was nearly one o'clock. That's not good. But I was really tired. That can't happen again. Anyway, I'll update more later when the day is more close to over. I just really wanted to share my accomplishment.

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Random. But my stumble brought me to this. It really puts in perspective how you're living your life. It's also a game. So it's fun. So here you go...It's called The Longevity Game.
http://www.nmfn.com/tn/learnctr--lifeevents--longevity_game

I Think I'm Paranoid

First of all, you guys are all completely ridiculous for giving me awards! I'm really glad you enjoy my blog and it makes me super happy, but there are so many more people that deserve them. And that update more...eek. Anyway, so first thing's first. Here are my awards.

So thanks to Monica and Learning to be Less (sorry, I don't know your real name!!!!!) for the awards and here are some awards of my own.

1. Monica at http://getpastthemoment.blogspot.com/ is freakin' amazing. Everything she says is real and honest and she's been my support throughout the past couple of months of this process. Without her, I would not be blogging. I just know it. She always comments back and never lets anyone be down on themselves. And she's super sweet.

2. Rebecca at http://fatfitnessfood.blogspot.com/ is ridiculously fierce. Her weight loss is totally constant and reading her posts makes me want to do better all the time. She's really motivated and has fun posts!

3. Karen at http://katschisfitcetera.blogspot.com/ is so funny and absolutely everything she writes about amuses me. She's also extremely honest and isn't afraid to say anything. On top of that, she's really motivated and the amount of exercise she does is ridiculous!

4. Jenn at http://exhotgirl.blogspot.com/ is so great. Her photography is absolutely wonderful and she always posts the greatest videos and inspirational things. I really love reading her blog all the time, because she doesn't just write about weight loss. She writes about life.

5. Fat Bridesmaid at http://fatbridesmaid.com/ is the first weight loss blog I ever found. If I hadn't found her, I wouldn't know that weight loss blogging existed and I would've never held myself accountable for everything. And she has Biggest Loser live chats which I wish I could join because they look like so much fun, but I don't have a computer and a television in the same room. And her posts are overall great.

Anyway, thanks to everyone! And you are all absolutely amazing.

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On to some updates. I'm really scared that I did awful this week and come Tuesday, I am going to regret everything. But it may just be that I'm paranoid. For the past three days, I have been out to eat. Friday night, I went to Friday's (it's tradition) and had Cobb salad and one and a half breadsticks with honey mustard...At 12:30AM. Then Saturday, we had a pot luck at school. And I ate a lot. But that was pretty much the only thing I ate all day. So does it count? Do either of those count? I didn't eat that much other than those things. Then, today, I broke my 2009 barbecue cherry and went to a Mother's Day barbecue. It wasn't the healthiest thing but other than breakfast, it was the only thing I ate. And I didn't track my points, because I just didn't know how. During the food, I felt so guilty. And right afterwards also. But then when I look back at it, it's just not that bad. I mean, I haven't exercised since Thursday when Laurence kicked my ass. That might be part of it. But tomorrow I'm not going to school and I am going to kick my own ass really hard. I'm going to do Jillian, treadmill, Tae-bo and pilates. Tomorrow is going to be no joke. And hopefully that saves me on Tuesday's weigh-in. Because I'm scared. In the past two weeks, I haven't gained. And I don't want Tuesday to be the first time. I just don't.

I also don't want to go to my personal trainer on Thursday, my second week, with a gain. I'll just look bad. So for the rest of this week, butt must be kicked. Really hard. And there's no question about it.

What else? Oh yeah. I'm graduating. I will never get to be on my school's stage ever again. We all just cried so hard the other day. Because I love my school's theatre so much. And I'm leaving. And I can't come back. No matter how much I'll want to. I'm not going to write much about it, becuase I'm going to cry again and I don't want to have it.

So, I guess that's all for now. I will update tomorrow if I don't pass out, lol. Good night.