New Workout Plan

Okay. You all hate me, I know. I did the unthinkable and stopped blogging for a total of...3 months and a couple of days. But if you guys will still have me, I'm back.

So, why did I leave?

A few reasons.

1. My job was making me seriously tired. Between working and making college plans and trying to spend time with my friends and my boss being all up my ass, I couldn't possibly have enough time to be on the computer. Through this, I realized that I was not making enough time for myself. And next summer, I am determined not to take a job, because it's not necessary yet (I'm only 18!!!) and it's not worth the mental stress my boss puts me through. The money was good, but I couldn't deal with the pressure.

2. I was out of speed. I hated telling all of you how terrible I was doing. Last summer, I had all these plans and it was embarrassing to admit that none of them went smoothly.

What I Learned...

1. The Freshman 15? Myth. I don't know how much weight I've lost because the scale at the gym at school sucks and is broken and they haven't fixed it. But every time I come home, everyone notices that I've lost weight. I've been eating semi-healthy and up until this week (midterms) have been exercising a lot. I have this awesome roommate that loves to work out, so I'm constantly reminded to go to the gym.

2. I need you guys. A lot. A support system is huge and I'm not comfortable enough yet with my friends here to tell them how much I NEED their support to lose weight. And even when I am comfortable enough with them, they won't completely understand the way you guys always have. And I'm sorry that it took me 3 months to figure that out.

I've learned a lot more, but you'll probably come to see that as I post more often. Basically, I'm back. And I would love it if you guys could forgive me and continue to support me the way you always did.


Here's the food I've eaten.

Breakfast:
Eggs
Tater Tots
2 strips of turkey bacon
Yogurt with granola
Water

Lunch:
Chicken burrito
A LOT of fruit.
Water

Snack:
I'm about to go grab a power bar before I go to the gym.
And, of course, water.
Slice of whole wheat bread with a slice of turkey and a slice of cheese.

GYM
Elliptical, then bike, then elliptical for a total of 400 calories.
100 Leg Presses
20 Leg Lifts

In the meantime, if anyone has workout songs that they'd like to share, please post them up! The internet has been useless in this effect.

Thank you guys so much and I look forward to hearing from you and to looking at all your blogs as soon as I'm back from the gym.

-Rach

wtf

So today I was invited to go to the beach with a whole bunch of people. Guess what I said? I said no. Well, that's a lie. I said I'd see if I could and then I made up a stupid excuse. One might ask "Why?" and I might say because I don't like going to the beach because that means my pretty friends in bikinis and me in skinny jeans and a t-shirt. That's why. I don't even go to the pool at work.
But I've decided I'm actually going to get in that pool the next time the kids have swim. I'm also going to look up exercises that I can subtly do in the pool, lol. That should turn out interesting.
In other news, I went to Outback yesterday and had a slightly healthier option than I could've had. I had a 680-calorie chicken and swiss cheese sandwich. But I finished my fries. Which wasn't good. But whatever. It could've been so much worse.
I need a really good workout, but I don't think it's going to happen today. It might happen today, but a little bit later. Because there's too many people in the house and I prefer to exercise alone. I swear, it's like I'm trying to hide away the fact that I'm fat. Newsflash, Rachel! Everyone already knows.
Jeez, I frustrate myself with that stuff. What is the point of not going in the pool or to the beach? Are people going to be shocked at the fact that I'm not taking all my clothing off and sitting in a bikini? Obviously not. Is everyone going to judge me? A couple of people might. But the majority of people already know I'm fat. Seeing me in a bathing suit and shorts isn't going to change that in any way. Grr. I need to get over myself with this crap.

Inspiration

I don't have much to report. My blood pressure has been steadily going down because I've been eating very little sodium. But something happened at work and it was quite inspiring.

Me- "How come you don't eat as much as everyone else at lunch?"
Camper- "I like running"
Me- "Ok..but what does that have to do with eating?"
Camper- "Well..I figure the less I eat, the faster I'll run."

And I will leave you with that.

Doctor and BBQ

So yesterday I went to the doctor and was told that I have high blood pressure. So I was told I need a lot of cardio and need to stop eating sodium. Honestly, I didn't even know sodium could be bad for you. Never have I ever looked at how much sodium something contains. Now I look at a diet coke and realize it has 33 grams of sodium per serving. What the hell?
So I have questions. How much sodium per serving is not worth it? Or rather how much sodium should I be intaking a day? And does anyone know of any low sodium foods?
Also I forgot to celebrate. I hit.my 210 milestone. And according to my doctor's scale, I'm 205 in shoes. But I'll wait until I'm 205 on my home scale. My 210 reward was to rent a good movie. I can't wait.
In other news, I went to a bbq today and didn't eat anything except for a turkey dog.no ketchup or mustard. But I was running around all day and I was fine. Now I'm out to a family dinner and I'm barely eating. I guess I'm just not very hungry today.
I really want to get my blood pressure down. It's 120/90. It should be over 70 or 80. If I can't get it down with a lower sodium intake within 2 weeks, I have to go and get bloodwork done. And I really don't want that.

So, this is going to be partially weight-loss related and then sort of not at the same time.
Here's first...
I found a quote that I put up on my xanga once when I was younger, but I didn't really stick to it. I think it's time. Here's the quote: "You know what I'm gonna do? Everything. And then I'm gonna turn around and I'm gonna do it again. And I'm not gonna give a rat's ass about who disapproves and how I look doing it."
I believe that i should stick to this and so should everyone else, in order to have a wonderful life.
Weird things happened at work today. First, I had a mini-breakdown and cried to my friend about how I have nothing to offer and how I'm never going to end up with anyone, which is partially brought on because my best friends are gorgeous and wonderful and I can't help but be insanely jealous of them all the time. I also felt like I was doing a shitty job at work and I didn't know what to do about that. I'm over it..sort of. I mean, I still feel that way. I'm just not crying about it, which is a step up, I guess.
The other thing that happened is this. I work at a summer camp as the creative director and this one counselor, who we realize now is a complete fuckin' idiot, excuse my language, but you'll understand why in a second. She walked outside with a kid and just left him there, sitting on the steps outside until one of us realized that she had just left him there. We all bugged out when we found out. It was bad. I just don't get it--We talked about how a person's child is like their entire life, but I guess that didn't mean anything to her. Needless to say, she's getting fired.

But onto weight loss stuff. So this morning I got on the scale and saw 208 which was wonderful. I was so happy. I'm under 210! I hope that's the same after today. Jeez, I really need me a food journal. I don't remember what the hell I eat. I haven't been going to Weight Watchers, because I need to find a new meeting, because the old one got a little boring for me.
Here's the food intake.
Breakfast- Dry Cereal--Big mistake. I should've eaten like a normal person, but whatever.
Lunch- Half a tuna fish sandwich with lettuce. It was white bread, so it wasn't very good. But I guess it was okay.
Snack- I had a little bit of my friend's pasta, a bunch of rice cakes, and a bag of pretzels. Bad Rachel. I know.
Dinner- I went to a diner, so this could've been much worse. I drank water instead of soda and I ate a turkey burger with two onion rings and crunchy french fries. Not that great, but not that bad either.
I really wanted to walk home, but I was wearing a skirt and had a chafing problem, so I opted for taking the bus. Um, I think that's pretty much it. We might be having an inspection at work tomorrow, so I should really get to sleep if my camp is going to pass.
Hope everyone is doing well! Good night.

CANADA

Ok sorry. I'm a bum. I shouldve said that I was going to a foreign country for a wedding and let you know that I have not abandoned my blog once again.
In Canada, the weight loss hasn't been going one way or another, I think. I'll find out as soon as I'm done with this nine hour drive. Blehh, my head hurts.
Last night I went to my cousin's wedding and got to know one of my cousins that I haven't seen in thirteen years. I know. That's bad right? We were so close when we were little but he lives in Canada, I live here, whatever. But last night, we both decided that we wouldn't repeat our parent's mistakes by not visiting each other and we will actually be good relatives. Hopefully that sticks.
So one of the things I look forward to is my final goal, and now, not only because of the usual. Around this time next year, I've decided that I'm going to visit my Canada family and when I get there next summer, I want compliments. I didn't get any comments on my weight at all, which was pleasant. But I want a "Holy crap! Where did the rest of you go?!"
So I'm increasing my training sessions to 3 times a week until I go to school and am buying a gym membership when I do go to school.
Basically, this whole thing has made me very excited and I hope it sticks. I guess I really needed this trip and I'm glad I went, not only because I had a great time, but because it gave me a reason to keep going. Like a legit one.
Hm, what else? I think that's pretty much it. I miss everyones blogs! I'm gonna go catch up now!

Starting Now, I'm Back.

It's so hard to even type this right now, because I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. I did so well today. And then I went out with a friend and ruined everything with ice cream and chips. I don't understand. Even as I'm eating, I know it's bad. And it still happens. And I'm on the verge of tears, because I just did something that gave me a slap in the face.
I looked at recent pictures of myself. From prom, graduation and other things. And I hate the way I look. I thought I was doing better in the self-confidence department but I am just not. I still hate the way I look and seeing those pictures and how fat I still am completely broke my heart.
I'm just so sad right now. And I'm crying. And I know that by exercising and eating well, I can fix this problem. But I just don't know if I can believe in myself anymore as much as I used to.
Thank you for all your inspiring comments. I really appreciate it.
I'm just in a slump. And I know I'm in a slump. So I can either stay here and feel sorry for myself and cry like I'm doing now or I can get up and push myself even though it's so so so so so hard right now. I just have to push through it. I feel like if I can get through these next couple of weeks without gaining any weight then I can get through anything. Because this is close to impossible.